First Day

When we got into Brunswick late Monday night, Jordan met us at home, bearing essential grocery needs, a Valentines' Day balloon, and hugs and kisses to go around, making the entire 10 hour trip completely worth every minute. We stayed up late, needing to tell just one more story, get one more good night kiss, a last cup of warm milk, one more bed time story and a final squeeze before little sleepy eyes were closed and dreams began. Our Valentine was off early in the morning for training, so the kids and I spent the next day figuring out the house, navigating the surrounding area, braving a foreign super market, unpacking, and waiting anxiously for the call that he would be home soon. As soon as he returned, we all begged for an adventure. Take us to the beach! We want to see the ocean! Off we went. The day was chilly, and we didn't intend to stay, but we just wanted to experience for the first time with our Valentine.

The beach was beautiful. The tide was all the way in, eager waves clashed against the rocks and came all the way to the staircase. The wind blew cold on our ears and cheeks. The sand was powdery white and just beckoning to little hands to come and dig and squeeze and play.
There was no one else there. Just us. Looking up and down the beach and listening to the waves and holding hands.
Seeing the beach was all that we had hoped for it to be. It put excitement into our hearts and anticipation grew for the adventures to come. However, the beach had competition. In this momma's heart, I felt even more overwhelmed by the sight of my husband with my children in his arms. I knew Silas was excited to see him. He had been talking about playing with Daddy, and wrestling Daddy for weeks. But what about this little girl? Six weeks is a long time for an 18 month old baby. Sure, we see him on Skype. We talk about him a lot. But she is a Momma's girl. Even at Christmas, it was such a short time of seeing him, I wondered what would happen when we got there.

The night we arrived, after a long flight and no solid nap, in a strange place, overstimulated and wiped out, she saw him for the first time. Her eyes grew wide and she gasped. It was almost as though she couldn't believe she was actually seeing him. For a second she was stuck, her arms outstretched and shaking with excitement. She ran to him and as he scooped her up she wrapped her arms around him and hid her face against his neck. She held tight around him with her legs. After a moment, she picked her head up to see his face again, only to return to his shoulder and begin patting his back while she made her soft humming sound of pure satisfaction. She continued to greet him this way every evening that he returned home, and every morning that she woke and he was there.
The ocean is amazing, the beach was beautiful, my family all together was indescribable.
It was also Silas' birthday, so we ended our night with brownies covered in green sprinkles.
Jordan put Silas to bed every night we were there. Every night. It was never just a quick tuck in, but he often spent upwards of 30 minutes in his room, and even fell asleep next to his precious son more than once. Silas soaked up every second...and so did I ;)

Avenida de Belleza

Did you know my parents live on Avenida de Belleza. Literally translated from Spanish this is Street of Beauty, or Beautiful Street. Fitting.

Of course both of my parents are beautiful to the eye. But it is not their outer appearance that makes them that way. It contributes to it, but it is the Spirit inside them that really draws you to them and causes others to comment on their beauty.

Not long after we arrived in Arizona, my dad's school district lost a really important bond election that cost them not only necessary budget to maintain their stellar programs and facilities, but it put a real hiccup in all of forward momentum that they have been experiencing in the last several years. It is hard not to take something like this personally. Some of the staff members publicly aired their frustration and disappointment with the voters. The voters openly shared their disgust with Dad. So in the last months he has battled upset parents, deciding how they will determine who on the staff is terminated, keeping up a busy speaking schedule, and reigniting the positive spirit that is usually characteristic of employees and attendees. In the midst of that, he comes home to not just his lovely wife, but his daughter and her two kids. There are typically train tracks from one end of the living room to the other and an insistent little boy looking for a playing partner. Or there are metal airplanes hidden in the treads of the carpet, a hot zone for bare feet. Or there is a ramp set up with matchbox cars being catapulted into oblivion with all the necessary sound effects. Dinner was probably once very civilized and engaging. It now consists of Jewel squawking her demands for more food and drink, Silas sliding off the booth under the table, and me trying to referee the circus with dispersing nutrition and discipline in a constant stream. Let's face it, this is just scratching the surface. In spite of all of the chaos and change...we affectionately refer to Dad as Super-Grandpa for being the one to make sure there is always a kid in tow for the morning trip to get the newspaper. Jewel counts on a loud kiss and all the dramatics before bed time. Silas treasures his snuggle time during a National Geographic special, watching a show with Grandpa. Dad faithfully includes Silas in the chore of getting a fire started for Beppe (yes, we make fires in Arizona...they are not necessary for the temperature, but they are critical for the ambiance). Each morning before leaving for work he is sure to lovingly greet each member of my family and generously hand out affection. It's really beautiful. That's why God chose Avenida de Belleza for Dad to buy this house nearly 25 years ago.

Here is Super Grandpa, sharing a relaxing Sunday morning paper with Evie, Audrey, and Silas.

Less than a year ago my parents completed a beautiful remodel of the main living area at the house. It's like all of a sudden the house is an amazing representation of who my parents are. It beckons visitors to sit and stay for a while...or a night, or a week, or as long as they need. It has this glow of sunshine about it that provides a warmth to one's insides, even on a rare chilly day. It is an extension of who God created my Mom to be. Well, her most common visitors these days are little. They don't fully understand the "atmosphere", although they fully enjoy it. Part of enjoying it is removing all contents of any cupboard below the waist level, or making forts with the couch cushions. But the real challenge for Mom is being there so often with us. She experiences the gift of being Jewel's jungle gym, her clamoring for attention and affection and authority. The perk of a sweet baby girl reaching for her embrace. But then also the shrill cries of an overtired and frustrated 15 month old with few words. She is there to hear the silly things Silas says, the profound, the cute...and the nasty. She sacrifices morning quiet time to get chocolate milk and engage airplane jargon. She puts aside the to-do list to read books, give a bath, rock a sleepy baby, and jump on the trampoline. Once she tried to be discreet in spoiling them with treats, now she openly offers M&M's and Hersey Kisses. She gently encourages me to take breaks, walks, and naps. She brings a coffee on her way home, makes dinner in the midst of the evening crazy hours, and isn't phased by the melt downs and tears. Mine included. When I finally get my kids tucked in I come back to the kitchen cleaned, candle scents drifting, and offers for hot tea or chocolate. After being available to the kids, she invites me to soak in the hot tub...of course we always debrief and share. Oh Beppe...where would we be without you?

Here she is on the trampoline with the kids...


I was a bit nervous about nervous about living with my mom and dad while Jordan was gone. Selfishly I wondered how I would keep my schedule and routine and comforts...I don't think I really thought, seriously, about all the sacrifices my parents would beautifully make. They do it with beauty, here on Avenida de Belleza.

Thank you Mom and Dad, a thousand times
We love you.

A Tender Heart

Silas rarely prays aloud.
Last week when we were driving in the car he announced that at Grammy's house, when we were eating dinner (which actually means lunch, or breakfast...but in this case, lunch) he was going to pray that everyone would have a Christmas tree. I told him that was a great idea.
Lunch time arrives in a rush of craziness at Grammy's house. It usually consists of my two plus Mandy's two boys (ages 3 and 5) with lots of joke telling and silliness. This particular time we added in Mandy's oldest daughter as well. With chaos in full swing, orders being called out, toys being confiscated, Silas stops and says "Wait, we didn't pray!" This is also highly unusual for him, but I asked if he wanted to pray for us and when he said yes... our car conversation came to mind right away.
"Dear Jesus, pleeaassee, I hope everyone can get their Christmas tree. Amen."
Return to chaos.
I thought about it several times more during the day, mostly because it is just so out of character for him to pray out loud at all, let alone at the busy lunch table with all the cousins. When I was tucking him in that night I told him I was proud of him for doing that. We talked about not having to wait until a meal time to pray, but as soon as you think of something you talk to God about it right then and there. He just listened. I asked him what made him think about Christmas trees. At this point all of the houses we frequent are decked out with tall green trees and decorations, so I was curious if he was thinking of someone specific.
"I think God just made my heart think about Christmas trees."
Wow. Ok. I am silent in amazement for a moment. I kiss him, sing with him, and when we pray I thank God that Silas is learning to hear His voice and that he is responding.
Four days later my dad asks if I know anyone who needs a Christmas tree. No, I don't. Why?
Because someone has donated 900 Christmas trees to the Tucson area, they are giving them away for free.
Providence is something incredible. When I was pregnant with Silas, I was doing a study on the story of Samuel. God laid it heavy on my heart to pray that story for Silas. I prayed daily that Silas would hear the voice of God, that Jordan and I could be like Elijah...pointing him in the right direction, and that he would soon learn to answer "Speak Lord, for your servant is listening."
Thank you, God, for glimpses of promises answered, for the small revelations you give us into your perfect plan, for the encouragement of these precious moments.

He's Got Moves

We've had a rough couple weeks.

When people ask how we are doing it is hard to say. It totally depends on the day, or the moment. Most of the time we are really doing well. Usually I feel like things are tough, but we can totally do it. Sure I am tired, but we are doing better than just surviving, there is fun and adventure and growth. Most of the time.

But this last two weeks has zapped me. It started with some behavior issues with kids, throw in some serious teething, inconsistent schedules, personal struggles with a friend, missed church services, missed opportunities to talk with Jordan, and sleep deprivation caused by all of the above, and I have just been over extended.

But God gave me a turning point.

I think it started on Tuesday night. My cousin Cole and his wife Melissa were at my mom and dad's for dinner. When we finished eating Cole took out his guitar and played several worship songs for us. It was just a small group, and most of the kids were still up, head-banging and leaping from one couch to the other...all worship I am sure. But, we sang some really good songs. I sat just a little bit away from everyone, and found myself blinking back tears as Cole strummed out praises. Music ministers to my soul. I had been really, really thirsty for singing after missing a couple Sundays at church. Later, Melissa and my mom helped me wrap a bunch of my Christmas presents. It was one of the only things I had been really able to cross of my list in a long time. It felt so good to accomplish something concrete that I could see. I ended up staying up really late taking care of other business type of needs. I also was able to send a letter to my friend that gave me incredible peace and freedom. The night was short and the morning early, but we had gotten my mom and dad a Christmas tree the day before and Silas was in heaven helping my mom decorate and the joy in him gave me energy for the morning. Then I finished this major project I had been working on for a very exciting Christmas present that I was so thrilled to get sent out. The kids and I headed out to Hessel and Heather's house. They are out of town for the next few days so we are staying here. Despite some major construction going on, my kids and I were all able to nap for 2 hours. Getting better...

Hessel and Heather just moved to the foothills area in Tucson. This means that their house is resting near the base of one of the mountain ranges on the north side of Tucson. The area has been masterfully constructed with each house elevated just enough above the one in front of it that many of them have breathtaking views of the city. The house itself is really nice. Some people get caught up in the homes here. They drive down the road and miss the mountain range, miss the city lights, and miss the sprawling sky (crazy, I know). But for me, especially for this time, I am taken away by God's incredible creation. When I step out on the back patio I want to throw my hands up in the air and sing at the top of my lungs. It is one of those settings that makes you change your thoughts from "Why is this happening God?", to "I trust and rest in You, O Lord." It makes you breathe in deeply this breath of life, and exhale out any kind of unsettled struggle within you.

There are no cameras that can actually capture the view...but mine did a particularly poor job this time. The dark part of this picture is the city of Tucson and the far mountain ranges.
After staring into the sunset, not wanting to miss a moment, the kids and I got a late dinner and came home for bed. I had a really encouraging and fun conversation with my cousin, Callie, and then snuggled into bed. Both kids slept until 7:30 (later for Silas and a little early for Jewel). We ate breakfast as we watched a storm come across the city. Clouds built and the wind blew. Silas and I sipped hot chocolate with our slippers on while Jewel took her morning nap. By mid afternoon we were getting poured on. It was our first taste of winter for the month of December. I had a very encouraging conversation with my friend, listened to the rain on the sky lights, we made Christmas cookies, listened to Christmas music, and had a long talk with Jordan while the kids played nicely together.
I debated putting a picture of the house, for reference, but really it's the love that is inside this house that is making our stay so sweet, and the creation of God that surrounds it that is the most incredible part.

Thank you for sharing your gift with us, Hessel and Heather. We feel spoiled.

Dear Aunt Kate...this is for you!

OK, I have really good reasons for not blogging...first of all WAY too much going on. Between squeezing in family time before Jordan left, dealing with him leaving, and surviving without him since I feel totally justified with that right there for my blogging absence. Also, I am now living with the very grandparents I was so committed to keeping updated. My mom doesn't actually need to see pictures of Silas playing in the sandbox or having a sleep over with his cousins...she watches it all first hand. Jordan's mom doesn't need to see pictures of Jewel toddling around our house, she is making mischief right in the Bury's living room! But, the biggest reason is because my PC is not compatible with my parent's internet for some reason. I can't load pictures from my computer onto my blog without using my Dad's aircard. And, when my dad is home, I mostly just want to be with him, not blogging away on the computer :)

But, I realize I have friends and other far away family (shout out to Aunt Kate...I saw your post on my wall that you were wanting news) that may be interested in how things are going here. So...here we go. This week I am staying at Hessel and Heather's house (a blog to come) and my internet works here! So, I'll fit in what I can, try to spread out the postings, and then pick up again after Christmas.

The month before Jordan left, he quit working the job he had been doing in order to spend as much time with us as he could. We essentially had a month long vacation as a family, for free, bouncing between his parent's house and mine. We had as many adventures as we could, snuggled as much as we could, and spent many late nights wondering what our new life in the Marshals would be like.

We took Mandy's kids and Heather's kids and our kids to Sabino Canyon to go hiking (minus Jewel and Abbie). It was one of those days that made me feel like Jordan and I could have 5 kids easily! We had so much fun, the kids were so good, Jordan is just super dad/uncle, creating adventure and fun around every corner (and in every cave). Consequently I am not feeling that way now as just my little 2 seem plenty to handle!
Riding the Sabino Canyon Tram
Some of the snuggles...

We took the kids to Mt. Lemon one day to play in the fall leaves and the boys rode on the ski lift. There are actually better pictures of that day...we went for a gorgeous hike, stopped at breath taking city views, and the kids slept in the car...but, I L.O.V.E. the way Jewel is looking at Silas in this picture. She really adores him. I need to learn to photoshop faces to get a cute one on Silas :)
We spend an amazing weekend up in Phoenix. The reason for our visit was to see our friends Ben and Genea and their kids. Ben and his Dad gave their testimony at Ben's church, it was incredible to see them sharing God's mighty hand in their lives. We stayed two nights at Uncle Mike and Aunt Sally's condo where we were able to swim, go for walks, and stroll across the street for bakery fresh meals and hot coffee.
We celebrated October birthdays with Mandy and her kids...
And my Dad (feeding the fish at his office)

We went for crazy rides in the jeep to the park, 4 wheeling in the wash, and just around town to enjoy the Arizona weather.
Then, we had to say goodbye. Actually, in the last few days, both Jordan and I commented that we were feeling ready. It had a been a month of "the last of this" and "our final that"...and he was anxious to get started (and get finished). The departure day was brutal. It's hard for the kids to understand the sadness and the tears and the forced affection...especially when there are things like escalators, conveyor belts and airplanes everywhere you turn. Thankfully the grownups can be gracious to that...even though it's tricky. Since then there have been short phone calls (we are both super busy and with the 2 hour time difference Jordan is getting into bed the same time I am putting the kids down, so we rarely talk without their interruptions), and some really great Skype times with Jordan and the kids. He will be home for 3 days over Christmas and arrives a week from today. HOORAY! We survived the first leg. Praise the Lord!!

cute little walker