This is just simply to remember the major life and spunk that this kid has and the incredible amount of fun that he brings to our family.
Trey Boxing With Jordan
(click the link to see the youtube video)
kids
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Unique Expressions
This past year I have watched Jewel begin to explore her interactions with God. It has been such an incredible blessing to see the unique expressions of who God is, through the relationships he is building with my kids.
I remember one time when I was a child, I overheard my mom sharing with her Bible study group that I had left a note on her dresser that week that she was sure was God's word to her. The note simply said "I am doing this because I love you." I actually remember writing the note. I was just feeling overwhelmed with appreciation for my mom and I wanted her to know. I wanted her understand how wonderful I thought she was. I decided writing it would be more special. So as I grabbed a scrap of paper and sat down to write, I just remember feeling like the whole purpose of the note was because I love her...so that was exactly what I wrote. I don't remember the difficult situation that she was dealing with, or why the timing was so important to her, but as she shared that with the group I remember feeling so honored (and humbled in a totally surprised way) that God had used me to speak to her. Jewel frequently plays this role in my life.
Several months ago we were sitting around the dinner table. I had a very long day with the kids and I was just wrestling with myself in my heart over regular life issues. As we were finishing up I told Jordan I really wanted to go for a walk after dinner. He asked if we should all go for a family walk. I hesitantly responded that I felt like I just needed a walk by myself and would it be OK for him to hang out with the kids for a while so I could do that. He was obviously a little taken aback and curious as to what would be making me feel that way, but of course agreed to help me get some alone time. Jewel got up from her seat and stood between us.
"Mom, do you need some alone time on your walk?"
I nodded.
"Do you just need to go for a walk with Jesus?"
I nodded again, feeling my eyes start to burn with tears.
Jordan looked at her, "How did you know that?" he asked.
She looked right into my eyes, put her hand on my leg, and with a sweetness and gentleness she said,
"Because I love her."
I hugged her, told her I loved her, too, and wiped the tears from my eyes. It completely changed my attitude going into my walk. Instead of feeling like I needed to pursue God and seek after him, I felt like he was also looking forward to our time together, he was anticipating our interaction, he wanted to be with me, he loved me.
A couple nights ago we were snuggled up (and by snuggled up, let me explain that I lay next to her in bed and she presses her entire body against my side, must lay her head in the crook of my arm, wraps both her arms around me and her legs over top of me...there is literally not one centimeter of our skin that is not stuck to one another...then she rubs my arm or tries to scratch my back while we whisper to each other) and getting ready to sing. She wanted to sing to me. We had an eventful day because she had a crown put on her tooth and it had been traumatic and painful. She waited for a moment before she began her song and then also told me that she would be using some of the "spanish language" in her words. I was interested what Spanish she knew or thought she knew. She started singing a song about how she is going to do everything I do, and she sees me when I pray, and she is going to do what she sees me do...over and over she sang the same lyrics with passion and emotion. As I listened I so clearly felt God telling me that I was modeling for her how to handle her difficulties. She is watching me when I struggle and emulating my responses. She sees when I am pressed and when I choose him and choose prayer. In her hard day at the dentist, she was remembering what it looks like to choose God instead of fear. She was watching when I didn't do that, when I had chosen to react or freak out instead. She is doing what she sees me doing. And, as only God can do, I felt convicted for my sins, honored for the position of being her mother, and humbled by the gift of leading her towards Jesus...all at the same time. When she was done, my heart was just thumping in my chest. She asked if I liked the song and what did I think of the spanish language. I complimented her, and thought to myself, if by Spanish Language you mean Holy Spirit Language...yes, I heard that loud and clear.
I am so thankful for the way that God speaks specifically and intentionally to her heart, revealing the parts of himself that he designed her to relate to and connect with. I pray that she continues to fall more and more in love with him, deeper and deeper into friendship with him, know more and more about him, and give more and more of his love to those around her.
Several months ago we were sitting around the dinner table. I had a very long day with the kids and I was just wrestling with myself in my heart over regular life issues. As we were finishing up I told Jordan I really wanted to go for a walk after dinner. He asked if we should all go for a family walk. I hesitantly responded that I felt like I just needed a walk by myself and would it be OK for him to hang out with the kids for a while so I could do that. He was obviously a little taken aback and curious as to what would be making me feel that way, but of course agreed to help me get some alone time. Jewel got up from her seat and stood between us.
"Mom, do you need some alone time on your walk?"
I nodded.
"Do you just need to go for a walk with Jesus?"
I nodded again, feeling my eyes start to burn with tears.
Jordan looked at her, "How did you know that?" he asked.
She looked right into my eyes, put her hand on my leg, and with a sweetness and gentleness she said,
"Because I love her."
I hugged her, told her I loved her, too, and wiped the tears from my eyes. It completely changed my attitude going into my walk. Instead of feeling like I needed to pursue God and seek after him, I felt like he was also looking forward to our time together, he was anticipating our interaction, he wanted to be with me, he loved me.
Often at bed time Jewel and I sing songs. We also talk, pray and do A LOT of snuggling. Recently she has been wanting to sing songs to me. She doesn't usually remember the lyrics to the songs that she likes on the spot, so instead of trying to clamor through a song we know, she sings something she makes up. There is little about the song that is "in tune" or that even makes sense, but when she is done she always tells me that God put that song in her heart. I know she is worshiping through her singing. It makes it beautiful.
A couple nights ago we were snuggled up (and by snuggled up, let me explain that I lay next to her in bed and she presses her entire body against my side, must lay her head in the crook of my arm, wraps both her arms around me and her legs over top of me...there is literally not one centimeter of our skin that is not stuck to one another...then she rubs my arm or tries to scratch my back while we whisper to each other) and getting ready to sing. She wanted to sing to me. We had an eventful day because she had a crown put on her tooth and it had been traumatic and painful. She waited for a moment before she began her song and then also told me that she would be using some of the "spanish language" in her words. I was interested what Spanish she knew or thought she knew. She started singing a song about how she is going to do everything I do, and she sees me when I pray, and she is going to do what she sees me do...over and over she sang the same lyrics with passion and emotion. As I listened I so clearly felt God telling me that I was modeling for her how to handle her difficulties. She is watching me when I struggle and emulating my responses. She sees when I am pressed and when I choose him and choose prayer. In her hard day at the dentist, she was remembering what it looks like to choose God instead of fear. She was watching when I didn't do that, when I had chosen to react or freak out instead. She is doing what she sees me doing. And, as only God can do, I felt convicted for my sins, honored for the position of being her mother, and humbled by the gift of leading her towards Jesus...all at the same time. When she was done, my heart was just thumping in my chest. She asked if I liked the song and what did I think of the spanish language. I complimented her, and thought to myself, if by Spanish Language you mean Holy Spirit Language...yes, I heard that loud and clear.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Soundtrack
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4IQoWrAWvg
*try to ignore the toy guns and the diaper on the floor. The diaper is clean (Trey stills wears them at bed time), and the guns are from an earlier stuffed animal hunt we had.
Provisions
In the last month I have been attending a Bible study by Priscilla Shirer on the story of Gideon. From the beginning to now, I have struggled with knowing how to handle Gideon. The study highlights Gideon's insecurity, lack of faith and vision, and the doubt that he fights as he takes his maiden voyage in obedience to God. On one hand I identify so much with Gideon. There is a lot of second guessing, wondering and justifying that happens in my life. On the other hand I am frustrated with Gideon (and consequently, myself) that he doesn't see God and fall in love with him in a way that leads to abandonment and joy in following.
This last week we read about and discussed Gideon laying out the fleeces before the Lord (Judges 6:36-40). Again I was so torn. Gideon was humbly approaching the throne and asking for confirmation, I don't know that I would have the strength to do that. He asked twice for nature defying miracles. God comes through both times, without a verbal response to Gideon he just displays his power.
Shirer reports that Gideon was a follower of Baal prior to the Angel of the Lord appearing to him. His requests to God concerning the fleece are reflective of his indoctrination of Baal. In particular when Gideon asks God to allow the fleece to be wet and the ground dry, he may have thought back to his days of Baal and the logical and scientific fact that perhaps the fleece had actually soaked up all the water around it (causing it to be soaking wet and the ground to be totally dry). Of course we can only place thoughts and feelings onto Gideon, guessing what he may have been going through and of course our own circumstances and personalities play into what we assign to Gideon. So, he asks for something that would seem even more miraculous the second time. Again God displays his power for Gideon, this time leaving the fleece completely dry and the ground soaked with dew. We have no idea how Gideon felt after that, in his heart. Was he satisfied? Amazed? Filled? Still questioning? Still trying to explain how it happened? We don't know.
What we do know is how God continued to interact with him. From there, God tells Gideon that his practical resources are too great. In order for God to give the Midianites into his hand, he will first dwindle his army of 32,000 into 300. God did not want Gideon feeling like there was a way to explain away the miracle of this victory. Then, in middle of the night, God comes to Gideon and asks him to take his servant and go down to the Midianite camp. God leads Gideon and Purah (his servant) to the tent of the enemy where two of the enemy soldiers are confiding in one another about a dream. The first soldier explains his dream to the second soldier. Without hesitating, the second soldier replies, "This can be nothing other than the sword of Gideon. God has given the Midianites and the whole camp into his hands."
And then we do know how Gideon responds. He falls on his knees and begins to worship the Lord. He goes back to his camp and leads his army into battle. He follows the instructions the Lord provides. He watches the Midianite army turn on itself in fear. Without a single raised sword, without any lost lives or any injuries, the Lord delivers the entire camp into Gideon's hands.
In the last week, I have had Gideon-like interactions with God. October first the government shut down. It was Jordan's first day working his new position at work. His hours dramatically increased and his pay was halted. Brought right to the front of our eyes was our weakness in financial planning. We have never wanted to be the type to live paycheck to paycheck. We had fooled ourselves into thinking that we were doing our best with what we had financially. We were placing way more emphasis on our security in a government job, never seeing a government shut down as a possibility. We were always thankful to God for the job, but we also relied on the practical part of paycheck predictability.
We knew his hours would be increased. We didn't anticipate a full week of not having dinner together and even nights where he got home after we were in bed and left again before we were up. That saying "dance like no one is watching, love like you've never been hurt, and work like you aren't getting paid," yeah, that is not as romantic as it sounds at 7:30 pm, with dinner dishes everywhere, kids all over the place, bedtimes looming, rain pouring, toys from one end of the house to the other, and two boys who desperately need to wrestle with their dad and a little girl who is dying for daddy time and a wife who is pregnant and exhausted. And, it's night #4 in this condition.
I found myself in Gideon's position. I wanted to ask for things that in my eyes would be miracles. We need financial provisions. I need my sleep and rest to be multiplied. I need to have breaks from the insanity. I need the kids to be divinely wonderful to each other. But, as God gave all of those things, I found it easy to respond like Gideon. That bill that the insurance picked up, that was their responsibility anyway. That extra long nap that Trey just had, he must be having a growth spurt. Silas and Jewel in the sandbox for 2 hours on this gloriously sunny afternoon in October in Oregon...that's a lucky weather day and a major thanks to Jordan for building that sandbox. Still, God answered those needs. When I thought I needed to see nature defying miracles, God showed his power.
Then, God gave me a trip into the Midianite camp with a companion. On October 1st, God sent my cousin Riley and his wife and two kids to stay with us. Instead of this being a burden or a stress, it was companionship and fun. Corissa was in the kitchen with me every night, talking and chopping our way through dinner preparations. Riley took Silas upstairs for some guy time over the lego table. Jewel took their daughter, Emily (2), under her wing and shared toys and dress up clothes and coloring time. We made adventures of the days and quality time of the evenings. When Jordan got home I was excited to see him, but not desperate for him to meet all of my needs (which he was very thankful for after a 14 hour day). On Friday night, Riley and Corissa insisted that we take a date night and that they hang out with the kids. What started as a little breathing room for us, turned into a midnight return to a spotless and silent house with hearts FULL from needed connection and conversation...for free. A sunny Saturday led to the guys being super productive outside. Riley chopped and chopped and chopped wood for me. Even though we didn't know that Jordan wouldn't be around the next few evenings to get the wood ready for me, he did it because he loves us. He did it as an expression of God's love. Corissa and I had a couple hours to run a few errands on Saturday afternoon. This week was the first time I have been with her outside the setting of our family reunions in Spokane (that consist of 100's of people). God filled our hearts with love and appreciation for one another and blessed our conversation to be encouraging and challenging and uplifting.
As our time with them was wrapping up, I got a phone call from my dad. He is on fall break in his school district. He and my mom are road tripping, in the name of looking for a new vehicle, but with the purpose of adventure and excitement. They announce that on a Spirit led whim they are over half way to our house. We are giddy. I set up the pull out couch in the attic. It's not until they walk through the door late that night that I start to remember Gideon. There is just nothing in the whole world like getting a smothering hug from my mom and dad. We spent Sunday morning all together around the table with a huge breakfast and lots of talking. Riley and Corissa were on their way out that day, we hugged and kissed them goodbye and truly thanked God for sending them to us. The weather was fantastic. My parents took us all the the pumpkin patch, we all had long naps, Jordan and my dad had a run together. That evening we had community group. We cancelled the sitter we normally pay for and left the kids with my mom and dad. They went on an adventure to Costco and by the time we got home everyone was in jammies, snuggled on the couch singing songs, and our fridge, freezer, and cupboards were bursting. On Monday when Jordan went to work, we left my dad and the boys at home to play and went to have girl time. Jewel had dance class, my mom spoiled me with little things for the kids and the house, and we had a Starbucks date of coffees and hot chocolate. It was Monday night that Jordan wasn't home until midnight. But I spent the evening in deep conversation with my mom over a long and delicious meal preparation. That night at dinner we went around the table to pray and when it was Silas' turn he said "God, thank you for my little sister, Jewel. I really do love playing with her." Trey bonded with my parents in the short time they were here, really being his silly self and letting them into his hysterical and mischevious little world.
Tuesday morning Jordan left for his next assignment at 4:30 am. My parents left for the continuation of their adventure at 6 am. I sat at my fire place, fell to my knees and worshipped. The Lord did meet the needs that I asked for. Despite late nights and pockets empty of money, I was so full and rested and abundantly provided for. But, it was the things of my heart that he touched with his mighty power, things I didn't even know to ask for, that brought me to my knees.
Yes, God's power is limitless and incredible. Today it is so easy to try to explain away the miracles. There are so many resources at my finger tips that I often don't ask God for those things, or I just believe that he is providing through practical means. When God took Gideon down to the camp to show him that he was already accomplishing his promise, that the huge camp of Midianites was fearful of him, that he arrived at the very tent where this conversation was happening, with a trusted companion as a witness, it puts the whole fleece situation to shame! God is saying, "This is who I am Gideon, and this is how much I love you." When God sent me companionship, laughter, adventure, and excitement, it puts the whole 'help me survive' request to shame! Oh Lord, when you use your mighty power in a display for the personal things of my heart, I can only drop to my knees and worship!
Tuesday night Jordan was home for dinner. Our company was all gone. The kids and I about jumped out of our skin when he pulled up. I had just gotten off the phone with the insurance company and found out that over $500 of medical bills had been submitted incorrectly and we were not responsible for the balance. We spent the evening playing and laughing and just being together. Jordan and I stayed up way too late trying to catch up on the last few days, exchanging our exciting stories and oohing and ahhing over God's work. This morning we both turned off our alarms and slept to the last possible moment.
“Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him,
for he shields him all day long,
and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.”
Today we bask in the glory of his power. Today we take the time to record it and to say thank you again and again. Today we walk forward in obedience, rejoicing in the tender love of our Father.
This last week we read about and discussed Gideon laying out the fleeces before the Lord (Judges 6:36-40). Again I was so torn. Gideon was humbly approaching the throne and asking for confirmation, I don't know that I would have the strength to do that. He asked twice for nature defying miracles. God comes through both times, without a verbal response to Gideon he just displays his power.
Shirer reports that Gideon was a follower of Baal prior to the Angel of the Lord appearing to him. His requests to God concerning the fleece are reflective of his indoctrination of Baal. In particular when Gideon asks God to allow the fleece to be wet and the ground dry, he may have thought back to his days of Baal and the logical and scientific fact that perhaps the fleece had actually soaked up all the water around it (causing it to be soaking wet and the ground to be totally dry). Of course we can only place thoughts and feelings onto Gideon, guessing what he may have been going through and of course our own circumstances and personalities play into what we assign to Gideon. So, he asks for something that would seem even more miraculous the second time. Again God displays his power for Gideon, this time leaving the fleece completely dry and the ground soaked with dew. We have no idea how Gideon felt after that, in his heart. Was he satisfied? Amazed? Filled? Still questioning? Still trying to explain how it happened? We don't know.
What we do know is how God continued to interact with him. From there, God tells Gideon that his practical resources are too great. In order for God to give the Midianites into his hand, he will first dwindle his army of 32,000 into 300. God did not want Gideon feeling like there was a way to explain away the miracle of this victory. Then, in middle of the night, God comes to Gideon and asks him to take his servant and go down to the Midianite camp. God leads Gideon and Purah (his servant) to the tent of the enemy where two of the enemy soldiers are confiding in one another about a dream. The first soldier explains his dream to the second soldier. Without hesitating, the second soldier replies, "This can be nothing other than the sword of Gideon. God has given the Midianites and the whole camp into his hands."
And then we do know how Gideon responds. He falls on his knees and begins to worship the Lord. He goes back to his camp and leads his army into battle. He follows the instructions the Lord provides. He watches the Midianite army turn on itself in fear. Without a single raised sword, without any lost lives or any injuries, the Lord delivers the entire camp into Gideon's hands.
In the last week, I have had Gideon-like interactions with God. October first the government shut down. It was Jordan's first day working his new position at work. His hours dramatically increased and his pay was halted. Brought right to the front of our eyes was our weakness in financial planning. We have never wanted to be the type to live paycheck to paycheck. We had fooled ourselves into thinking that we were doing our best with what we had financially. We were placing way more emphasis on our security in a government job, never seeing a government shut down as a possibility. We were always thankful to God for the job, but we also relied on the practical part of paycheck predictability.
We knew his hours would be increased. We didn't anticipate a full week of not having dinner together and even nights where he got home after we were in bed and left again before we were up. That saying "dance like no one is watching, love like you've never been hurt, and work like you aren't getting paid," yeah, that is not as romantic as it sounds at 7:30 pm, with dinner dishes everywhere, kids all over the place, bedtimes looming, rain pouring, toys from one end of the house to the other, and two boys who desperately need to wrestle with their dad and a little girl who is dying for daddy time and a wife who is pregnant and exhausted. And, it's night #4 in this condition.
I found myself in Gideon's position. I wanted to ask for things that in my eyes would be miracles. We need financial provisions. I need my sleep and rest to be multiplied. I need to have breaks from the insanity. I need the kids to be divinely wonderful to each other. But, as God gave all of those things, I found it easy to respond like Gideon. That bill that the insurance picked up, that was their responsibility anyway. That extra long nap that Trey just had, he must be having a growth spurt. Silas and Jewel in the sandbox for 2 hours on this gloriously sunny afternoon in October in Oregon...that's a lucky weather day and a major thanks to Jordan for building that sandbox. Still, God answered those needs. When I thought I needed to see nature defying miracles, God showed his power.
Then, God gave me a trip into the Midianite camp with a companion. On October 1st, God sent my cousin Riley and his wife and two kids to stay with us. Instead of this being a burden or a stress, it was companionship and fun. Corissa was in the kitchen with me every night, talking and chopping our way through dinner preparations. Riley took Silas upstairs for some guy time over the lego table. Jewel took their daughter, Emily (2), under her wing and shared toys and dress up clothes and coloring time. We made adventures of the days and quality time of the evenings. When Jordan got home I was excited to see him, but not desperate for him to meet all of my needs (which he was very thankful for after a 14 hour day). On Friday night, Riley and Corissa insisted that we take a date night and that they hang out with the kids. What started as a little breathing room for us, turned into a midnight return to a spotless and silent house with hearts FULL from needed connection and conversation...for free. A sunny Saturday led to the guys being super productive outside. Riley chopped and chopped and chopped wood for me. Even though we didn't know that Jordan wouldn't be around the next few evenings to get the wood ready for me, he did it because he loves us. He did it as an expression of God's love. Corissa and I had a couple hours to run a few errands on Saturday afternoon. This week was the first time I have been with her outside the setting of our family reunions in Spokane (that consist of 100's of people). God filled our hearts with love and appreciation for one another and blessed our conversation to be encouraging and challenging and uplifting.
As our time with them was wrapping up, I got a phone call from my dad. He is on fall break in his school district. He and my mom are road tripping, in the name of looking for a new vehicle, but with the purpose of adventure and excitement. They announce that on a Spirit led whim they are over half way to our house. We are giddy. I set up the pull out couch in the attic. It's not until they walk through the door late that night that I start to remember Gideon. There is just nothing in the whole world like getting a smothering hug from my mom and dad. We spent Sunday morning all together around the table with a huge breakfast and lots of talking. Riley and Corissa were on their way out that day, we hugged and kissed them goodbye and truly thanked God for sending them to us. The weather was fantastic. My parents took us all the the pumpkin patch, we all had long naps, Jordan and my dad had a run together. That evening we had community group. We cancelled the sitter we normally pay for and left the kids with my mom and dad. They went on an adventure to Costco and by the time we got home everyone was in jammies, snuggled on the couch singing songs, and our fridge, freezer, and cupboards were bursting. On Monday when Jordan went to work, we left my dad and the boys at home to play and went to have girl time. Jewel had dance class, my mom spoiled me with little things for the kids and the house, and we had a Starbucks date of coffees and hot chocolate. It was Monday night that Jordan wasn't home until midnight. But I spent the evening in deep conversation with my mom over a long and delicious meal preparation. That night at dinner we went around the table to pray and when it was Silas' turn he said "God, thank you for my little sister, Jewel. I really do love playing with her." Trey bonded with my parents in the short time they were here, really being his silly self and letting them into his hysterical and mischevious little world.
Tuesday morning Jordan left for his next assignment at 4:30 am. My parents left for the continuation of their adventure at 6 am. I sat at my fire place, fell to my knees and worshipped. The Lord did meet the needs that I asked for. Despite late nights and pockets empty of money, I was so full and rested and abundantly provided for. But, it was the things of my heart that he touched with his mighty power, things I didn't even know to ask for, that brought me to my knees.
Yes, God's power is limitless and incredible. Today it is so easy to try to explain away the miracles. There are so many resources at my finger tips that I often don't ask God for those things, or I just believe that he is providing through practical means. When God took Gideon down to the camp to show him that he was already accomplishing his promise, that the huge camp of Midianites was fearful of him, that he arrived at the very tent where this conversation was happening, with a trusted companion as a witness, it puts the whole fleece situation to shame! God is saying, "This is who I am Gideon, and this is how much I love you." When God sent me companionship, laughter, adventure, and excitement, it puts the whole 'help me survive' request to shame! Oh Lord, when you use your mighty power in a display for the personal things of my heart, I can only drop to my knees and worship!
Tuesday night Jordan was home for dinner. Our company was all gone. The kids and I about jumped out of our skin when he pulled up. I had just gotten off the phone with the insurance company and found out that over $500 of medical bills had been submitted incorrectly and we were not responsible for the balance. We spent the evening playing and laughing and just being together. Jordan and I stayed up way too late trying to catch up on the last few days, exchanging our exciting stories and oohing and ahhing over God's work. This morning we both turned off our alarms and slept to the last possible moment.
“Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him,
for he shields him all day long,
and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.”
Today we bask in the glory of his power. Today we take the time to record it and to say thank you again and again. Today we walk forward in obedience, rejoicing in the tender love of our Father.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)