Unique Expressions

This past year I have watched Jewel begin to explore her interactions with God.  It has been such an incredible blessing to see the unique expressions of who God is, through the relationships he is building with my kids.

I remember one time when I was a child, I overheard my mom sharing with her Bible study group that I had left a note on her dresser that week that she was sure was God's word to her.  The note simply said "I am doing this because I love you."  I actually remember writing the note.  I was just feeling overwhelmed with appreciation for my mom and I wanted her to know.  I wanted her understand how wonderful I thought she was.  I decided writing it would be more special.  So as I grabbed a scrap of paper and sat down to write, I just remember feeling like the whole purpose of the note was because I love her...so that was exactly what I wrote.  I don't remember the difficult situation that she was dealing with, or why the timing was so important to her, but as she shared that with the group I remember feeling so honored (and humbled in a totally surprised way) that God had used me to speak to her.  Jewel frequently plays this role in my life.

Several months ago we were sitting around the dinner table.  I had a very long day with the kids and I was just wrestling with myself in my heart over regular life issues.  As we were finishing up I told Jordan I really wanted to go for a walk after dinner.  He asked if we should all go for a family walk.  I hesitantly responded that I felt like I just needed a walk by myself and would it be OK for him to hang out with the kids for a while so I could do that.  He was obviously a little taken aback and curious as to what would be making me feel that way, but of course agreed to help me get some alone time.  Jewel got up from her seat and stood between us.

"Mom, do you need some alone time on your walk?"
I nodded.
"Do you just need to go for a walk with Jesus?"
I nodded again, feeling my eyes start to burn with tears.

Jordan looked at her, "How did you know that?" he asked.

She looked right into my eyes, put her hand on my leg, and with a sweetness and gentleness she said,
"Because I love her."

I hugged her, told her I loved her, too, and wiped the tears from my eyes.  It completely changed my attitude going into my walk.  Instead of feeling like I needed to pursue God and seek after him, I felt like he was also looking forward to our time together, he was anticipating our interaction, he wanted to be with me, he loved me.

Often at bed time Jewel and I sing songs.  We also talk, pray and do A LOT of snuggling.  Recently she has been wanting to sing songs to me.  She doesn't usually remember the lyrics to the songs that she likes on the spot, so instead of trying to clamor through a song we know, she sings something she makes up.  There is little about the song that is "in tune" or that even makes sense, but when she is done she always tells me that God put that song in her heart.  I know she is worshiping through her singing.  It makes it beautiful.

A couple nights ago we were snuggled up (and by snuggled up, let me explain that I lay next to her in bed and she presses her entire body against my side, must lay her head in the crook of my arm, wraps both her arms around me and her legs over top of me...there is literally not one centimeter of our skin that is not stuck to one another...then she rubs my arm or tries to scratch my back while we whisper to each other) and getting ready to sing.  She wanted to sing to me.  We had an eventful day because she had a crown put on her tooth and it had been traumatic and painful.  She waited for a moment before she began her song and then also told me that she would be using some of the "spanish language" in her words.  I was interested what Spanish she knew or thought she knew.  She started singing a song about how she is going to do everything I do, and she sees me when I pray, and she is going to do what she sees me do...over and over she sang the same lyrics with passion and emotion.  As I listened I so clearly felt God telling me that I was modeling for her how to handle her difficulties.  She is watching me when I struggle and emulating my responses.  She sees when I am pressed and when I choose him and choose prayer.  In her hard day at the dentist, she was remembering what it looks like to choose God instead of fear.  She was watching when I didn't do that, when I had chosen to react or freak out instead.  She is doing what she sees me doing.  And, as only God can do, I felt convicted for my sins, honored for the position of being her mother, and humbled by the gift of leading her towards Jesus...all at the same time.  When she was done, my heart was just thumping in my chest.  She asked if I liked the song and what did I think of the spanish language.  I complimented her, and thought to myself, if by Spanish Language you mean Holy Spirit Language...yes, I heard that loud and clear.

 I am so thankful for the way that God speaks specifically and intentionally to her heart, revealing the parts of himself that he designed her to relate to and connect with.  I pray that she continues to fall more and more in love with him, deeper and deeper into friendship with him, know more and more about him, and give more and more of his love to those around her.