This is just simply to remember the major life and spunk that this kid has and the incredible amount of fun that he brings to our family.

Trey Boxing With Jordan

(click the link to see the youtube video)

Unique Expressions

This past year I have watched Jewel begin to explore her interactions with God.  It has been such an incredible blessing to see the unique expressions of who God is, through the relationships he is building with my kids.

I remember one time when I was a child, I overheard my mom sharing with her Bible study group that I had left a note on her dresser that week that she was sure was God's word to her.  The note simply said "I am doing this because I love you."  I actually remember writing the note.  I was just feeling overwhelmed with appreciation for my mom and I wanted her to know.  I wanted her understand how wonderful I thought she was.  I decided writing it would be more special.  So as I grabbed a scrap of paper and sat down to write, I just remember feeling like the whole purpose of the note was because I love her...so that was exactly what I wrote.  I don't remember the difficult situation that she was dealing with, or why the timing was so important to her, but as she shared that with the group I remember feeling so honored (and humbled in a totally surprised way) that God had used me to speak to her.  Jewel frequently plays this role in my life.

Several months ago we were sitting around the dinner table.  I had a very long day with the kids and I was just wrestling with myself in my heart over regular life issues.  As we were finishing up I told Jordan I really wanted to go for a walk after dinner.  He asked if we should all go for a family walk.  I hesitantly responded that I felt like I just needed a walk by myself and would it be OK for him to hang out with the kids for a while so I could do that.  He was obviously a little taken aback and curious as to what would be making me feel that way, but of course agreed to help me get some alone time.  Jewel got up from her seat and stood between us.

"Mom, do you need some alone time on your walk?"
I nodded.
"Do you just need to go for a walk with Jesus?"
I nodded again, feeling my eyes start to burn with tears.

Jordan looked at her, "How did you know that?" he asked.

She looked right into my eyes, put her hand on my leg, and with a sweetness and gentleness she said,
"Because I love her."

I hugged her, told her I loved her, too, and wiped the tears from my eyes.  It completely changed my attitude going into my walk.  Instead of feeling like I needed to pursue God and seek after him, I felt like he was also looking forward to our time together, he was anticipating our interaction, he wanted to be with me, he loved me.

Often at bed time Jewel and I sing songs.  We also talk, pray and do A LOT of snuggling.  Recently she has been wanting to sing songs to me.  She doesn't usually remember the lyrics to the songs that she likes on the spot, so instead of trying to clamor through a song we know, she sings something she makes up.  There is little about the song that is "in tune" or that even makes sense, but when she is done she always tells me that God put that song in her heart.  I know she is worshiping through her singing.  It makes it beautiful.

A couple nights ago we were snuggled up (and by snuggled up, let me explain that I lay next to her in bed and she presses her entire body against my side, must lay her head in the crook of my arm, wraps both her arms around me and her legs over top of me...there is literally not one centimeter of our skin that is not stuck to one another...then she rubs my arm or tries to scratch my back while we whisper to each other) and getting ready to sing.  She wanted to sing to me.  We had an eventful day because she had a crown put on her tooth and it had been traumatic and painful.  She waited for a moment before she began her song and then also told me that she would be using some of the "spanish language" in her words.  I was interested what Spanish she knew or thought she knew.  She started singing a song about how she is going to do everything I do, and she sees me when I pray, and she is going to do what she sees me do...over and over she sang the same lyrics with passion and emotion.  As I listened I so clearly felt God telling me that I was modeling for her how to handle her difficulties.  She is watching me when I struggle and emulating my responses.  She sees when I am pressed and when I choose him and choose prayer.  In her hard day at the dentist, she was remembering what it looks like to choose God instead of fear.  She was watching when I didn't do that, when I had chosen to react or freak out instead.  She is doing what she sees me doing.  And, as only God can do, I felt convicted for my sins, honored for the position of being her mother, and humbled by the gift of leading her towards Jesus...all at the same time.  When she was done, my heart was just thumping in my chest.  She asked if I liked the song and what did I think of the spanish language.  I complimented her, and thought to myself, if by Spanish Language you mean Holy Spirit Language...yes, I heard that loud and clear.

 I am so thankful for the way that God speaks specifically and intentionally to her heart, revealing the parts of himself that he designed her to relate to and connect with.  I pray that she continues to fall more and more in love with him, deeper and deeper into friendship with him, know more and more about him, and give more and more of his love to those around her.

Soundtrack

If I could choose a soundtrack for my last post...this would be it.  My precious girl, worshipping in dance, to one of my very favorite groups, Selah, singing one of my very favorite songs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4IQoWrAWvg

*try to ignore the toy guns and the diaper on the floor.  The diaper is clean (Trey stills wears them at bed time), and the guns are from an earlier stuffed animal hunt we had.

Provisions

In the last month I have been attending a Bible study by Priscilla Shirer on the story of Gideon.  From the beginning to now, I have struggled with knowing how to handle Gideon.  The study highlights Gideon's insecurity, lack of faith and vision, and the doubt that he fights as he takes his maiden voyage in obedience to God.  On one hand I identify so much with Gideon.  There is a lot of second guessing, wondering and justifying that happens in my life.  On the other hand I am frustrated with Gideon (and consequently, myself) that he doesn't see God and fall in love with him in a way that leads to abandonment and joy in following.  

This last week we read about and discussed Gideon laying out the fleeces before the Lord (Judges 6:36-40).  Again I was so torn.  Gideon was humbly approaching the throne and asking for confirmation, I don't know that I would have the strength to do that.  He asked twice for nature defying miracles.  God comes through both times, without a verbal response to Gideon he just displays his power.  

Shirer reports that Gideon was a follower of Baal prior to the Angel of the Lord appearing to him.  His requests to God concerning the fleece are reflective of his indoctrination of Baal.  In particular when Gideon asks God to allow the fleece to be wet and the ground dry, he may have thought back to his days of Baal and the logical and scientific fact that perhaps the fleece had actually soaked up all the water around it (causing it to be soaking wet and the ground to be totally dry).  Of course we can only place thoughts and feelings onto Gideon, guessing what he may have been going through and of course our own circumstances and personalities play into what we assign to Gideon.  So, he asks for something that would seem even more miraculous the second time.  Again God displays his power for Gideon, this time leaving the fleece completely dry and the ground soaked with dew.  We have no idea how Gideon felt after that, in his heart.  Was he satisfied? Amazed? Filled?  Still questioning?  Still trying to explain how it happened?  We don't know. 

What we do know is how God continued to interact with him.  From there, God tells Gideon that his practical resources are too great.  In order for God to give the Midianites into his hand, he will first dwindle his army of 32,000 into 300.  God did not want Gideon feeling like there was a way to explain away the miracle of this victory.  Then, in middle of the night, God comes to Gideon and asks him to take his servant and go down to the Midianite camp.  God leads Gideon and Purah (his servant) to the tent of the enemy where two of the enemy soldiers are confiding in one another about a dream.  The first soldier explains his dream to the second soldier.  Without hesitating, the second soldier replies, "This can be nothing other than the sword of Gideon.  God has given the Midianites and the whole camp into his hands."

And then we do know how Gideon responds.  He falls on his knees and begins to worship the Lord.  He goes back to his camp and leads his army into battle.  He follows the instructions the Lord provides.  He watches the Midianite army turn on itself in fear.  Without a single raised sword, without any lost lives or any injuries, the Lord delivers the entire camp into Gideon's hands.  

In the last week, I have had Gideon-like interactions with God.  October first the government shut down.  It was Jordan's first day working his new position at work.  His hours dramatically increased and his pay was halted.  Brought right to the front of our eyes was our weakness in financial planning.  We have never wanted to be the type to live paycheck to paycheck.  We had fooled ourselves into thinking that we were doing our best with what we had financially.  We were placing way more emphasis on our security in a government job, never seeing a government shut down as a possibility.  We were always thankful to God for the job, but we also relied on the practical part of paycheck predictability.  

We knew his hours would be increased.  We didn't anticipate a full week of not having dinner together and even nights where he got home after we were in bed and left again before we were up.  That saying "dance like no one is watching, love like you've never been hurt, and work like you aren't getting paid," yeah, that is not as romantic as it sounds at 7:30 pm, with dinner dishes everywhere, kids all over the place, bedtimes looming, rain pouring, toys from one end of the house to the other, and two boys who desperately need to wrestle with their dad and a little girl who is dying for daddy time and a wife who is pregnant and exhausted.  And, it's night #4 in this condition.  

I found myself in Gideon's position.  I wanted to ask for things that in my eyes would be miracles.  We need financial provisions.  I need my sleep and rest to be multiplied.  I need to have breaks from the insanity.  I need the kids to be divinely wonderful to each other.  But, as God gave all of those things, I found it easy to respond like Gideon.  That bill that the insurance picked up, that was their responsibility anyway.  That extra long nap that Trey just had, he must be having a growth spurt.  Silas and Jewel in the sandbox for 2 hours on this gloriously sunny afternoon in October in Oregon...that's a lucky weather day and a major thanks to Jordan for building that sandbox.  Still, God answered those needs.  When I thought I needed to see nature defying miracles, God showed his power.

Then, God gave me a trip into the Midianite camp with a companion.  On October 1st, God sent my cousin Riley and his wife and two kids to stay with us.  Instead of this being a burden or a stress, it was companionship and fun.  Corissa was in the kitchen with me every night, talking and chopping our way through dinner preparations.  Riley took Silas upstairs for some guy time over the lego table.  Jewel took their daughter, Emily (2), under her wing and shared toys and dress up clothes and coloring time.  We made adventures of the days and quality time of the evenings.  When Jordan got home I was excited to see him, but not desperate for him to meet all of my needs (which he was very thankful for after a 14 hour day).  On Friday night, Riley and Corissa insisted that we take a date night and that they hang out with the kids.  What started as a little breathing room for us, turned into a midnight return to a spotless and silent house with hearts FULL from needed connection and conversation...for free.  A sunny Saturday led to the guys being super productive outside.  Riley chopped and chopped and chopped wood for me.  Even though we didn't know that Jordan wouldn't be around the next few evenings to get the wood ready for me, he did it because he loves us.  He did it as an expression of God's love.  Corissa and I had a couple hours to run a few errands on Saturday afternoon.  This week was the first time I have been with her outside the setting of our family reunions in Spokane (that consist of 100's of people).  God filled our hearts with love and appreciation for one another and blessed our conversation to be encouraging and challenging and uplifting.  

As our time with them was wrapping up, I got a phone call from my dad.  He is on fall break in his school district.  He and my mom are road tripping, in the name of looking for a new vehicle, but with the purpose of adventure and excitement.  They announce that on a Spirit led whim they are over half way to our house.  We are giddy.  I set up the pull out couch in the attic.  It's not until they walk through the door late that night that I start to remember Gideon.  There is just nothing in the whole world like getting a smothering hug from my mom and dad.  We spent Sunday morning all together around the table with a huge breakfast and lots of talking.  Riley and Corissa were on their way out that day, we hugged and kissed them goodbye and truly thanked God for sending them to us.  The weather was fantastic.  My parents took us all the the pumpkin patch, we all had long naps, Jordan and my dad had a run together.  That evening we had community group.  We cancelled the sitter we normally pay for and left the kids with my mom and dad.  They went on an adventure to Costco and by the time we got home everyone was in jammies, snuggled on the couch singing songs, and our fridge, freezer, and cupboards were bursting.  On Monday when Jordan went to work, we left my dad and the boys at home to play and went to have girl time.  Jewel had dance class, my mom spoiled me with little things for the kids and the house, and we had a Starbucks date of coffees and hot chocolate.  It was Monday night that Jordan wasn't home until midnight.  But I spent the evening in deep conversation with my mom over a long and delicious meal preparation.  That night at dinner we went around the table to pray and when it was Silas' turn he said "God, thank you for my little sister, Jewel.  I really do love playing with her."  Trey bonded with my parents in the short time they were here, really being his silly self and letting them into his hysterical and mischevious little world.  

Tuesday morning Jordan left for his next assignment at 4:30 am.  My parents left for the continuation of their adventure at 6 am.  I sat at my fire place, fell to my knees and worshipped.  The Lord did meet the needs that I asked for.  Despite late nights and pockets empty of money, I was so full and rested and abundantly provided for.  But, it was the things of my heart that he touched with his mighty power, things I didn't even know to ask for, that brought me to my knees.  

Yes, God's power is limitless and incredible.  Today it is so easy to try to explain away the miracles.  There are so many resources at my finger tips that I often don't ask God for those things, or I just believe that he is providing through practical means.  When God took Gideon down to the camp to show him that he was already accomplishing his promise, that the huge camp of Midianites was fearful of him, that he arrived at the very tent where this conversation was happening, with a trusted companion as a witness, it puts the whole fleece situation to shame!  God is saying, "This is who I am Gideon, and this is how much I love you."  When God sent me companionship, laughter, adventure, and excitement, it puts the whole 'help me survive' request to shame!  Oh Lord, when you use your mighty power in a display for the personal things of my heart, I can only drop to my knees and worship!  

Tuesday night Jordan was home for dinner.  Our company was all gone.  The kids and I about jumped out of our skin when he pulled up.  I had just gotten off the phone with the insurance company and found out that over $500 of medical bills had been submitted incorrectly and we were not responsible for the balance.  We spent the evening playing and laughing and just being together.  Jordan and I stayed up way too late trying to catch up on the last few days, exchanging our exciting stories and oohing and ahhing over God's work.  This morning we both turned off our alarms and slept to the last possible moment.  

“Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him,
    for he shields him all day long,
    and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.”


Today we bask in the glory of his power.  Today we take the time to record it and to say thank you again and again.  Today we walk forward in obedience, rejoicing in the tender love of our Father.

There are so many fantastic things about the summer time in Oregon.  We get the best flowers, produce, and farmer's market bliss.  We've picked fresh strawberries and blueberries and raided farm stands for peonies, black berries, marion berries, juicy peaches and gigantic vegetables.  It is a beautiful and bountiful time here.

Fill Your Table, Oh Lord

In all of our moving around and life changes, God has been so faithful to express his love to me through very close friends.  Although I have a few very close friends who also live nearby, it has amazed me that some of my most tried and true relationships stand the test of distance, consistently.

My cousin, Shilo, lives in northern Washington.  When we were in Olympia there were two glorious years of being only 3 driving hours apart from each other, and we often took advantage of chances to see one another.  Aside from that, nearly a days journey (either by car or plane) has separated us.  But, it has not prevented us from maintaining a relationship over the phone.  It's not like we talk all that frequently, just that when we do there is no wasted time in small talk or chit chat...we go right to the depths of our hearts.

When Jordan and I moved to Hillsboro, I was feeling very isolated and alone.  It was coming up on the anniversary of Miles birth, and I felt like I was living a double life.  I was so torn and so grieving and so broken inside.  But everyone in Hillsboro only knew us as the couple with a darling little boy in our arms.  Bringing up Miles was hard...do you wait until you know the person well, in which case it then seems strange to share such a huge life story so far into your friendship, or tell people early on in which it is strange to drop something so significant on a new friendship?  I was not gracefully making my way into either of these categories.  Shilo called one afternoon and I spilled my heart through heavy sobs and choking tears.

She listened, she waited, I am sure she knew that through the sadness there was also a bit of frustration and lingering hurt and feeling slighted.  She waited for me to finish and then shared her heart with me.  God had given her a vision.  Through her tears she told me about seeing me standing near the head of a long table.  The table was full, it was bustling, and it was joyful.  She told me that in the vision I was serving the people at the table, and my heart was full as was expressed by the genuine smile and light in my face.  I loved the people at the table, and they were being spiritually fed.

In truth I could not accept it at the time.  The house in Hillsboro had a tiny kitchen with barely space for a four seating table, let alone a stretching table full of people.  And there I sat on my couch...alone.  My one son soundly sleeping for his nap and my husband at work.  I had only a small handful of friends and actually we always went to their houses for meals.  I felt like she was telling me her vision to make me feel better, and it wasn't working.  I told her something spiritual in response, having to do with it being a vision of me in heaven.  Not all visions were made to be fulfilled on earth.

Fast forward almost two years.  I had just returned from the hospital, hearing that we had lost a second baby at 11 weeks of pregnancy.  Doesn't it seem that a heart would already know how to respond to God when the same tragedy happens for a second time?  Instead I was hurting in a whole new slew of ways.  Even with dear friends and deep relationships forming around me, I shrunk away into the seclusion of my pain.  

My sister, Heather, called.  She and I have only once lived in the same state, and it was before I knew how to love and appreciate my brother's wives.  I abused my time when I was close in proximity to her.  We have spent the remainder of our friendship longing to be nearer to one another.  Over the phone we just cried.  I don't know how much I even spoke because Heather is a person who enters into pain with you even before you have explained or asked her to.  Our Spirits were united.  She wanted to share a vision with me that she felt God had given her as she was praying for me.  I was standing near the head of a long table that was full of happy people.  I was serving the people at the table, but I was filled by them and had deep joy...

It was almost eerie (if you didn't know Jesus) that the wording was even the same as Shilo's two years before.  I had not ever shared Shilo's vision with anyone, nor had she.  Even still, even with the confirmation and the affirmation, I could not accept it.  Why were these "visions" coming after such great loss?  I began to feel even more and more like this "table" was going to be in heaven and I was just going to continue losing baby after baby to fill my heavenly table.  It made my stomach hurt and my bones ache to think about it.  If it was earthly, at this rate I would be 50 before I ever had enough children to fill a table.  

Last fall when we were living with Jenn and her kids, we were preparing for a meal.  It was my night to cook and the kids came piling in from outside with muddy feet, dirty hands, and clothes worn with the day's activities.  Dishes were all over the kitchen and I think I had ordered everyone to sit down at least three times.  Trey was pounding on his highchair and whatever kids had found their way to the table were already poking at each other and playing.  Jordan came down and rustled everyone up even more, raising the laughter and noise level a noticeable degree.  Jenn had Caleb in the bouncy seat and was putting his pacifier in while reminding kids not to bang their silverware and be careful of their water cups.  As I brought the main dish over to the table, the kids all looked over at me, expecting eyes communicating hungry tummies.  They leaned in as I put it down on the table, inhaling the aroma and anticipating the taste.  We prayed.  We dished up.  As I moved along the side of the table heaping food onto their plates, cutting bites, pulling up sleeves, sliding cups away from the edge, God whispered into my ear.  

You are serving my table.  

I stepped back at the audible sound.  I looked around, aware in a new way.  

But, Lord.  This is not my table.  This is Jenn's table.  These aren't even all my kids.  Plus, this doesn't look like a vision, it looks like a train wreck.  The kids are a mess, they are using plastic plates.  No one looks shiny or filled with light and I certainly don't feel like I am floating around filling everyone's needs!  I haven't even been nice to all these people today.

In love, he whispered back.

This is my Table.  You are serving me.  

Since then, my heart has changed about the vision.  I was only seeing it through my own eyes.  My eyes that see things in magazine glory, not God's glory.  

This year has been a year of table glimpes for me.  God has often recalled to me the incredible joy of sharing this vision, and it always makes me feel as though he is standing there with me.  

 Celebrating birthdays together at Jenn's house.  We did four birthdays while we were there, and didn't sell ourselves short on a single one.  There was some rich celebrating and dear memories made at the dinner table over hysterical gifts, heartfelt cards, delicious food, and super hyper kids.

We broke in the new house and the new table with my Aunt Julie, Uncle Cal, my cousin Travis and his wife and their 4 kids.  I was behind schedule and needed extra hands in the kitchen and with the kids when they arrived and Jordan was even later than me...but I can still smell the curry chicken, the fresh bread and the cracking fire.  We lingered for a long time on our picnic benches, savoring bites and company.  Kids thundered up and down the stairs with toy guns and the girls came and went out of the kitchen with an array of dress up clothes.  That...is a good meal.

 We had two snap shot visits from Shilo and her family this year.  Both times found us around the table, a huge dinner, and lots of chattery kids.

 In fact there were too many kids to fit us all around my great big, long table.  So we added two extra little tables and made for some special cousin time.

 Not long after that, my parents came and stayed for almost a week.  There was a beautiful mixture of laughter, snuggling, story sharing and hot breakfasts.

 Then we had the most action packed, fun filled, super cousin week of the summer.  Mandy and her 3 kids came and stayed with us and I think Mandy I will contest that the entire week was like one big meal.  If you aren't preparing, you are eating, or cleaning, or planning or packing from one meal running into the next.  We fed relationships that week, enough to last us until next time we see them.

 The second snap shot visit from Shilo gave us an evening with just her kids while she and Sean were at a wedding.  We did dinner outside and then carried the party to the fire pit.


Over my birthday we shared several unforgettable meals with Grammy and Pops.  The kids were celebrated, birthday was honored, and needy souls were fed.

We also shared our table with my cousin, Jean, for just a weekend.  God's gift was his natural provisions of food.  We ate fresh berries until we nearly burst.  The conversation at the table was rich and encouraging and challenging.

We had my cousin, Callie, and her family for a long weekend.  In God's grace it was a few short days that he stretched into a relaxing and sprawling weekend of enjoyment.  They cooked, we cooked, we all ate until we were full and our hearts were exploding with thankfulness for one another.

I am so thankful that God does things to his glory, and still allows us to get a taste of how he is accomplishing that and involving us in it.  The vision of me at the table really had little to do with me.  It had everything to do with feeding his lambs, loving his children, and abiding in him as he equips me to nourish them.  And, it's not just lambs and children in the sense that we think of little kids...it is his children of all ages, the sheep of his hand.  Here, in this messy kitchen, among these dirty kids and cold food and real relationships, his glory is revealed.  

This spring I was part of a Bible Study.  We studied Deuteronomy.  So many times during the book there is reference to God coming and providing or partaking in a meal with his people.  There is promise of a meal in heaven in which we will all dine together in the presence of our Lord, a celebration of the finality of our earthly struggles and the beginning of eternity in Holiness.  

Even now as I look at our table every night, and it certainly is filling up, I can see each person there as the guest of honor at the table of the Lord.  Not one of them is a mandated fulfillment to a promise that I deserve to be given.  The table belongs to the Lord.  Every opportunity I get to stand near him and serve his flock is a glimpse of the heavenly table.  

As Jordan and I look ahead to this next year, we are asking God to expand our table.  Yes, we have another baby coming.  With thanksgiving and giddy delight we will scoot over and make a spot for number four at our nightly meals.  Also, Jordan has taken a role of leadership in our community group as the missions coordinator.  As we encourage our community group to step out in bringing God's love to those around us, we are asking him to bring those in need of hearing about him for the first time to our dinner table.  We are praying that amongst the chaos and the mess and the noise, his truth and love would be communicated.  If you have ever had a meal at our house, you know this will be nothing short of a miracle.  

Fill Your table, Oh Lord. 

Dancing

This has been a summer full of busy days.  We have had little trips here and there, lots of fun with visitors, and last week we started the summer camp marathon.  Silas and Jewel have both been attending swim lessons all summer, just once a week on Wednesday afternoons.  But, Silas had three really fun camps that he was signed up for all in a row, and I had really nothing extra for Jewel.  I didn't mind at first, we never did summer camps for Silas when he was three, but it's hard to be left out when you are part of the taxi crew and every day you get to watch your big brother get ready for adventure after adventure and you just don't.  So, we heard about a 3-4 year old dance class at a dance studio that is very close to the house.  I didn't say anything about it to Jewel, but I started looking into it.  Remarkably, it was very inexpensive and the scheduling would fit perfect into our other camp commitments.  The place was keeping summertime hours and I could not get ahold of anyone at the desk.  So, two Mondays ago, I took my greatest mommy risk of all times.

I got Jewel up and told her about the class.  We got all ready and raced out the door to stop at Target on the way and get a leotard and tights and dance shoes.  My plan was to show up to the first class and REALLY PRAY they had room for her.  It was a serious gamble as we were there, totally decked out, ready for dancing, and not sure if they had an extra spot.  By God's grace, they did.  In fact, it was by God's incredible blessing and I am sure by his good plans for her that they did.  

Jewel lives her life with pure abandonment.  She does not reserve or hold back.  She allows herself to be overcome by what is in front of her.  She totally throws herself into the moment.  Truthfully, I live vicariously through this vibrant life.  

When we found out that she could attend, she jumped up and down, hugged all of us as tight as she could, and without skipping a beat she got in line with the other girls to go into their room and meet their teacher.  They spent the first 10 minutes sitting together on the floor, getting to know one another and getting comfortable.  Then they started their stretching and trying some basic moves.  Then...the teacher turned on the music.  The girls followed her around the room, mimicking her graceful movements.  As they turned toward us, the smile on Jewel's face brought tears to my eyes.  Oh, she was SO there!!  She was completely unaware of the audience, totally unphased by the other people in the class, she was just dancing her little heart out.  

Throughout the class they did many different activities and practiced a lot of different ways, but the smile on Jewel's face never left.  I stood at the huge windows only mildly aware of Silas and Trey playing at my feet, the other mothers chatting and watching their girls, and tears just continued to fall from my eyes.  Yes, she is brave, she is self confident, she is strong...but she is glowing from the inside out in there.  Her heart is so full.  

About a month ago she and I were in the bathroom.  Whenever we end up in there together, she exclaims with gladness, "Mom, it's just the girls in here!  We are having special time!"  She had just finished going to the bathroom and I was fixing my hair.  She was looking out the bathroom window over the backyard and the property and the view beyond that.  After she had been standing there a while I said, "Jewel, isn't it beautiful out there?  I am so thankful for the view God gave us from this house.  I love our green grass and the big trees and the bright sun and blue sky, it is very beautiful."  She turned around and put her arms out and started spinning slowly.  She danced.  As she twirled and spun and tiptoed she said, "It is beautiful, Mom.  It is so beautiful that it makes me just want to worship!  I just want to dance and worship.  It's like I am just dancing for Jesus to say thank you!"

Every Monday morning when we go to dance class I remember her sharing her heart during our bathroom special time.  She is right.  It's like she just transports to the throne room of her King, and she is dancing and worshiping before the Lord.  It makes me say thank you again and again...for the divine arrangement of this worship service.  It's a fantastic way to start our week.  

Spokane Family

 We miss being close to our parents and our siblings.  We often wonder what we should do about that...where could we go to get closer to them?  But, with brothers and sisters spread from Pennsylvania to Georgia to California, Arizona and Alaska...it's hard to pick a spot.  And no matter where we went, we couldn't be close to them all.  We have a sadness about missing out on cousin time, grandparent time, and special time with aunts and uncles.  There is no solution, but sometimes God gives us a very sweet salve for this tender hurt.

In Spokane, Washington, there is often an occasion for my mom's extended family to meet together.  This May, my cousin Rainee got married.  A wedding is a REALLY good reason to get together and celebrate.  It always turns into a mini family reunion (mini because not everyone can make it, and there are a lot of us, but many do come).  It's a time to get caught up, to see all the cute kids, to laugh and dance and play.  But for us, it is family time.

This year we stayed with my cousin, Callie.  She went to Lee University with me for two of my four years, met her husband there, and then moved her growing family back to Spokane.  It is a treat to have time with her.  It is a hoot to have our husbands together because they are like reunited brothers looking for trouble.  It is a delight to have our kids together!  She has four, plus our three, that makes 7 ages 7 and under.  They have so much fun together!!  This year since they are getting a little older, it was fun to see real relationships building.

Jewel and Macie became a fast pair.  She is 5, meaning she qualifies to be followed and adored by Jewel.  And she deserves it...she is sweet, gentle, caring, and so thoughtful.  Jewel felt very special to have time with Macie for the weekend.  They shared a room, they swapped clothes, they escaped into pretending, they became friends.

 The boys bonded over wii racing.  Big boys and little boys.  Silas and Colby were independent, tough, cool, and hanging with the dads a lot.  There was a level of maturation that they both really enjoyed in one another...true negotiations and deals made over turns, toys, sleeping arrangements and responsibilities.  All on their own.  They felt set apart from the little kids, and they really were.  Silas is still asking me to go back, "we don't get enough time with Colby, Mom."  And I totally agree.

Callie and I stayed up WAY too late every night, laughed good and hard, and as always we were totally connected to each other's hearts through our shared love of God.  I am so thankful for her, for our relationship, and for being able to pick up where we left off no matter what and get into the heart of the matter.

I was also thankful for great big hugs.  The one thing my family has always done best is to hug like they mean it.  My Pake, when he sees his grandkids and great grandkids, is overcome with God's goodness.  He gets tears in his eyes and grabs you in tight.  While he is giving a good, snug squeeze, there is a little shake of his body.  It's a sob of joy.  It is Holy Spirit filled love.  It is the best place to be on earth.  My Beppe has battled arthritis for many years.  Her body and hands show it.  But it never prevents her from grabbing my arms, pulling me in to her, pressing her hand against the side of my face and giving me a firm kiss on the cheek.  She always smells the same, and is always wearing a silk shirt. She is beautiful with time and holiness.  She overflows God's unconditional love.  There is never time between us, it's always as though she is as familiar with me as if we had coffee together every day.

My aunts and uncles are becoming this way as they make the transition into being grandparents themselves.  They love on us as though we are their own kids.  Uncle Cal takes Trey for a walk while I am dancing with Jewel during the reception.  Aunt Shin pulls me aside to tell me how she is encouraging Daniel to talk with Jordan about his career.  Uncle Palmer teases and pokes, and affirms.  Jordan is in conversation with Aunt Billie, then Uncle Dan...then I see him rough housing with one of my cousins who hasn't been around much lately.  He is loving on him, embracing him where he is, affirming him for being there...all in a very tough and macho way of course.

From our far corner of the northwest, sometimes we feel isolated and lonely.  Sometimes we are thankful to be here so that we appreciate every opportunity for an interaction with our family.  This wedding weekend we were thankful to be able to share time with the blessing of extended family.

New Identity

Some of you may remember Jordan as the punk high school kid who I started dating...the bad boy type.    From the gated hills of Ventana Canyon, he wore Polo in the gangster style, rebellious..with jeans sagged to reveal his boxers.  I certainly did fall in love with that wild child.

After getting married, serious jobs at golf courses and with the PGA straightened him up a bit.  Pressed khakis and collard shirts were his every day attire.  We attended dinner parties and company functions with raised pinkies and wine glasses.  

Something happened when he shaved his head for training camp.  It was the beginning of another transformation.  He was leaving behind his dignified ways.  Moving to the farm house was like coming home for the first time for Jordan.  

What has happened from there is remarkable.  T-shirts have replaced his collars and buttons, Carhartt over Polo, jeans chosen over khaki pants, work boots instead of soft spike golf shoes.  The words "going to the range" have a totally different meaning now as ear plugs and ammo boxes have replaced divot repair tools and golf tees.  

But, even in his golfing days, his music preference had not changed from those high school days.  Even driving home from the pro shop, there was loud music shaking his windows.  

But, the final straw in the transformation happened when he brought this home...

Yes, he is truly a "country boy with a farmer's tan".  Many of you may not know that lyrical line, in fact I didn't either just a short time ago.  But the last straw of the change came when Jordan announced he had been listening to COUNTRY MUSIC!

I about fell out of my seat when he told me.  We had both loudly and proudly renounced the country twang from the early days of knowing each other.  The other shifts in identity were more gradual, actually expected as they were parallel with career changes.  But this TOTALLY caught me off guard. I have no where to file this information in my brain.  It is an identity crisis!

It is now common scene at our house pull up on a Saturday morning and see Jordan cruising around the property on his John Deere with a kid on his lap (either half dressed, in their jammies, or as pictured below...decked out in camo...but always with wild hair and dirty faces!) and country music on his ipod.

This I can handle.  In fact, I can even appreciate it.  I can't hear the music out there, and the kids love riding on the mower as much as Jordan loves driving it.  Sometimes after dinner, Jordan will take Trey our for a little drive just to get his fussy evening cries out of the kitchen for me.  I can't complain about that (I also can't get a picture of it since seeing me tends to ruin the serene mood on the tractor)!

BUT, sometimes after dinner, if the weather is bad and we are feeling a little cooped up, THIS happens, which I have to confess I just can't get into.  Thankfully, the kids' dance moves are entertaining...but I when I watch these videos I really want to mute the sound.

(They were too long to just insert into the blog, so I put them on youtube.  Trust me...it is worth clicking on it and watching.)






I would also like to say, I have NEVER taught Jewel a single dance move.  That is straight from her own inspiration.  Also, I would like to say that I HAVE tried to manipulate Jewel's wardrobe.  If you are wondering if she is wearing a swim cover with leggings and slippers...you would be right.


The truth is, even if his taste has changed.  Even if his style has changed.  Even if my kids know country lyrics.  This pretty much covers how we feel about him...no matter the exterior appearance of his identity, we know him on the inside.

And we just can't get enough.

We love him so much, we'd even listen to country music to keep him around.

As a side note, to prove that we truly are becoming a little farm, these are our goats.  We actually got them as an inheritance...someone who needed to move and then another move and then they just couldn't get back to get the goats...and we became the rightful owners.  We have actually really enjoyed them, and they do keep our field under control.  But, we have kind of a make shift pen for them, and not a ton of shelter (as we were thinking it was short term), so we are now debating if our house is the best home for them.  Either way, we took another giant step toward the country life when we brought Cinnamon and Sugar home.  It would have been an even bigger step had I taken the Jordan Bury Challenge to figure out how to get them producing milk and add goat milking to my daily chores.  I'm just not quite ready for that.

 There are a lot of things to love about cold weather.  Specifically how adorable the kids look all bundled up.  Jewel spent so much of our outside play time with a baby zipped up inside her jacket...you just can't do that in the summer time.  In the back ground of this picture you can see a blurry little Trey.  Let me just say that no one year old rocks the puffy vest and beanie like he does.  We snuggle by the fire, we have not chocolate and warm toast.  Good, good things.

BUT, we have had several weeks of the most amazing spring weather, that it has us chomping at the bit for summer time!  The layers are starting to peel off, and the sun has been warm and frequent.

 As soon as we see the sun shinning, we race outside for as long as we can.  We work in the garden, we go for walks and bike rides, we just move life out of the house.

This is the garden we planted all from seed and loved and prayed over during the cold nights and short days.

 This is transplanting those seeds out to the raised beds.  We have three raised beds of this size (probably about 4ft by 10ft) that are filled with lettuces of many kinds, sugar snap peas, various onions, tomatoes, cabbage, carrots, sweet peppers, and for fun we are trying edamame.  Beyond this, Jordan tilled a huge portion of the side property for pumpkins, tons of squash, corn, and more tomatoes and cabbage (we learned in our first go around that those puppies take up a LOT of space!).

Everywhere we go, no matter what house we live in, one of our first priorities is the sand box.  This is the third one that Jordan has built. Each time they get a little bigger.  In Hillsboro we had 2ft by 3ft.  In Beaverton we had 4ft by 8ft.  At the farm house...8ft by 8ft by 3ft. 

If we move again we'll just have to go straight to the beach.

 Here is a little perspective with my very tall six year old.

Three yards of sand...shoveled and scooped.

COUNTLESS hours of play time for all three kids.  One sunny morning Silas and Jewel went out and got very involved in a building project.  They were planning and collaberating and scheming.  I just let them.  I fed Trey lunch, put him down for his nap, worked on a few chores.  Finally, four hours later, I went to talk with them.  Neither one of them had gotten out of the sandbox or called for me once.  I offered to bring them food and water.  They were thankful for it, but not needy for it.  Although that day was a serious marathon, it is not uncommon for them to spend major chunks of time out there in building bliss.  

 Trey loves the freedom of pushing his trucks anywhere he pleases.  I have to keep a VERY close eye on this kid.  He has no fear of being alone, no fear of adventuring out, no fear of trying new things.  We've had many occasions of God's divine intervention...protecting his sweet little life.  Like Jewel, he is the silent type.  Stealthily he moves about, plotting his plans.  Whenever I discover him, with a giant smile he greets me and waves.  Trouble.

 We have had gorgeous flowers in our yard and on our walks (thank you to our unsuspecting neighbors who have annonymously donated to my flower vases via the kids' good intentions)

 I love this picture because it is total Oregon kids to be blinded by any amount of sunlight.

 And, THIS is our picnic table.  We will be eating out here for the majority of the summer with our family and anyone else who will join us for sharing in the bounty of the garden.  I found this beauty on craigs list.  It seats 12 people.  Yes, 12.  It is HUGE.  I am planning to refinish it as it needs a good sanding and staining...but for $50...solid wood seating for us and all our pals.

I know we have many rainy days ahead of us (today is particularly nasty actually), but this house is a blessing inside and out, and we cannot wait to share it in all seasons!