Monday: Well, you saw the last blog post, it was night number one without the pie, and let's just say it was a tough way to start out the week.
Tuesday: I had my 16 week appointment at the doctor which went very well as far as the baby and I are concerned. The baby looks and sounds very healthy, and this is a relatively nice time of the pregnancy for me because I am beyond the miscarriage phase and not yet into the early delivery phase. However, we did find out that my doctor was planning on sending me to the ultrasound clinic for all of my cervical measurement appointments, which because of our insurance situation was going to cost us around $400 an ultrasound. I had these measurements done every two weeks starting at 18 weeks with Silas, so lets just way we were looking at a lot of money!! So, we decided I would need to look for a new doctor who could do the measurements in their own office. This is a huge deal as finding these doctors can be tricky and I knew the process would be time consuming and frustrating. Not to mention, Silas barely slept 45 minutes for his nap on Tuesday coming off of a night of less than 7 hours total.
Wednesday: We remembered and celebrated the birth and death of our first born son, Miles. My totally amazing and treasured friends Lisa and Devon came over in the morning with coffee, treats, and a giant bouquet of flowers. The reason this is amazing to me is that they did not even know me when Miles was born, but they are such an expression of God's love and care for me that they have made his little life important to them as well. I am so thankful for them. This is a highly emotional day for us every year, but doing it on little sleep while trying to figure out how we were going to get the help we needed for this pregnancy was brutal. Silas was an absolute mess the entire day, and I was little help to him in my fragile state. Jordan worked the whole day so our only time to spend together was after Silas went to bed (or should I say after he fell asleep, at 10pm). Then we were able to sit down together, talk about our day, remember our sweet baby Miles, and have a really good hard cry together. It was after midnight when we crawled into our bed totally emotionally and mentally exhausted. Three hours later Silas woke up, wet his bed, and stayed awake until almost 5am. I was delirious and nauseous with lack of sleep as I rocked and sang to him. Yet somehow on that day still very aware of my thankfulness that I have a little boy at home to sing to and rock, no matter what the time of day or night.
Thursday: We have our Mom's Bible Study, so I have to wake Silas up at 8 after only 8 hours of sleep (his normal 12 is lost somewhere in last week at this time). The topic was discipline and training our children and my heart is totally not there. I know it is a good topic and important, but I am barely hanging on emotionally and my pregnant body is beyond exhausted.But this is where things started to turn around. My doctor had offered to let me come back on Thursday so that he could give me a 3D ultrasound on their new machine (crazy I know because he can't tell me anything from the ultrasound, but he can do them for fun, and therefore free since there is no official information given). So we took Silas and went to see the baby on TV :) The 3D imaging was incredible and made the baby seem much more realistic than the normal alien skeleton seen on a 2d scan. The doctor did tell us that he had an idea to the sex of the baby, but so far we are sticking to our guns that we don't want to know! It was such a huge blessing for me to see the baby freely scooting and jumping around in my uterus. 16 weeks is a great time for an ultrasound because they still have so much room to move, but they look like a fully developed baby. I didn't include any of the ultra sounds, because the pictures were not as clear as they were on the screen. When we got home all three of us were able to take a good long nap. Silas went down without a problem, went right to sleep and we ended up deciding to wake him up so that he would sleep ok at night. We spent the evening together watching movies and playing at the park, Jordan made dinner than night, and I was starting to feel like a human again. Silas went down that night again without any problem and slept through the night without waking up once. After getting Silas into bed I checked my email to see the following picture of my little brother, Vincent, with my mom in San Diego at his graduation from the Marines! This was a GIANT blessing for our family and such a joy to see. The picture really says it all!
Friday: This morning I wake up to an email from a friend of mine from high school. She had seen my post of facebook concerning needing a new doctor so she sent me the link to a mutual friend of ours from high school who is a nurse in the area. I then got a message from this mutual friend saying that not only is she a nurse in the area, but in February she had a healthy baby boy after enduring a high risk pregnancy herself. She has an early thinning cervix as well! Now, I am not glad that she shares this risk with me for her sake, but for me I was thrilled. She recommended a clinic and doctor to me and told me she would love to help me out in anyway she could. I just cried! God totally knew what I needed and gave it to me in such a special way. I was able to share my excitement with Jordan, my friends who I knew had been praying for me, my cousin Shilo, and with my sister Heather. Then it was nap time, and my precious little Silas reminded me he did not need his pie because he is a big boy, and he snuggled up on my lap and fell asleep in my arms. This was especially wonderful to me because this used to be more of our nap time routine, that he would occassionally fall alseep in my arms before nap time, but since taking the pacifier it hasn't happened. I was sad that we were giving up that time and I felt like I didn't really have a chance to prepare myself for that. So it was such a gift to rock him in his chair while I silently praised the Lord in my heart for all that he had done for us. And this time, just for all of you, I risked the photo op.
Now, if that doesn't make your heart happy, I don't know what will! I am so thankful this week for both my trials and the triumphs. I can see in all of this that God knows my needs so personally and perfectly. He knows what I can handle and what will sustain me. Thank you, Lord, that you love that much to know me so fully.
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