THE house

When Jordan was going through his training and the kids and I were in Arizona, I spent countless hours on Craigs List looking for a house for us to rent when we got back to Oregon.  Nothing quite fit the vision I felt like God had given me in my heart.  I felt like I had seen a house, up on a hill, with a beam of sunshine lighting it up, making it glow in comparison to the rest of Portland (which, if you haven't heard, can sometimes be a little dreary).  I prayed and prayed that God would help us to be able to find the house and that he would make it a place of refuge and rejuvenation for all who came there.  

The house we ended up in was a great house for us.  We really enjoyed our time there.  But, it was not the house on the hill.  We also only lived there for six months before moving back to our Hillsboro house to refinance.

When the house search began again, I still had the vision in my mind, but I started feeling like it was more of a metaphorical vision.  I coached myself into thinking that no matter where we were, God would use our house and fill it with HIS light.  We still never found a place to go.  Then God moved us to Jenn's.  

When we began the house search AGAIN (yes, you are reading this right, it would be our fifth move in two years), I was somewhat resigned.  Jordan and I were back to wondering how his need for space and my need for community would ever find each other.  I let him do the looking, mostly praying that God would spare me from living in Vernonia (very cheap living, very far from "life").  

One day Jordan mentioned that he had seen an ad on Craigs List and he knew I would love it.  He was hesitant to show it to me because it wasn't what he had in mind to love.  The property wasn't quite as big as he was wanting, it was too close to other houses, it wasn't far enough away from the city...but it was a really cool old farm house.  My curiosity was eating me alive so I asked to see it.  He was right.  

From the time he showed me the ad until we agreed to rent it was a long journey of us letting go of what we felt like we wanted, and asking God to show us what he wanted.  I first went to see it one afternoon with Silas while Jordan was working and the littles were napping at Jenn's.  On a cold week in November we drove across town and up the hill.  When my GPS told me 'you have arrived', it was totally right.  There in a magnificent beam of sunlight, up at the top of the West Hills of Portland, we saw this...

I was swept off my feet.  There was a lot that happened between that day and signing the rental agreement.  God had to help me hold the house loosely, reminding me that he would do the providing.  God had to help Jordan hold his plans loosely, reminding him that he could meet his needs.  In a major leap of love and faith, Jordan signed rental papers without ever seeing the inside of the house (we went there one day, but didn't meet the landlord there so we just walked the perimeter...it was so rainy and windy and cold we didn't take the kids out of the car.  He did not get the same first impression that I did.  And he STILL was willing to do it!)

Although I moved a lot of things over and we unpacked our POD before Christmas, we never slept there until we got back from Arizona.  December 30th was our first night in the house.  We are both growing to love it more and more every day.  

Let me give you a little tour.  

If you came to the house today, you may have ridden here in our big red suburban.  Then we would walk between the garage and the house and up the side stairs to the back deck.  The door to the mudroom is off the deck, so this is what you would see when you came in with the kids and I through the laundry room/mudroom door.

We kick our shoes into bins on the floor and toss mittens into our baskets, hanging our jackets opposite the washer and dryer.

Then we walk into the kitchen and dining area.  This morning, all the kids are still asleep and the house is clean since I had the wives of Jordan's co-workers over yesterday.  The morning fog is still over the hill, so there is a very Narnia kind of feel throughout the property and the house.

(back toward the mudroom from the middle of the kitchen/dining area)

This is what we see out the sliding door when we sit at the kitchen table.  I just had my morning devotions in this setting, with the fire crackling behind me in the wood stove and my coffee steaming hot while I read.

Outside the doors you can see the fog settled over our back trees and yard.  It makes us feel like we are the only people on the hill when we wake up like this.

Back in the house, if I turn around from the kitchen area and head toward the front door, the bathroom is on my left.  Through a small hallway and past the standing shower is the rest of the bathroom.

Then I can continue walking through the doorway and into the piano parlor (which is the nook in the front entrance that fits our piano PERFECTLY).  The stairs are on my left and the front door is right in front of me.

If I open the front door, this is the view to the front deck and yard.

The deck wraps around, this is the side of the house and the picnic table is right outside a door that leads back into the kitchen (not the slider, just a side door.  And the table is a 12 seating picnic table that is waiting here under the porch for the spring when it will move to the back deck and host a million BBQ dinners).

If I go back in through the front door, the playroom is at my immediate right, at the bottom of the stairs.

At the top of the stairs is the 2nd bathroom.  This is the only upstairs bathroom (no master bath).  It is small, but we actually all use it with no space problems.  

But, now the boys are getting up.  I get them their milk and we watch the sun start to push back the fog.

This is Trey's room.  It is at the top of the stairs, just to the left of the bathroom.  It is a big room, and I used the curtains I already had (which happened to ALL be white).  So, I am planning an art project for when my mom comes up, to help add some color to the room.  His windows look out to the back yard and the side yard.  Mostly trees and green grass.

Jewel is still sleeping, so we go to Silas' room next.  He is down the hall from Trey, making his room overlook the garage and garden on the west side and the front yard on the north side.

I also have big plans to make this room (with it's two twin beds) into a cool boy room.  Right now the bedding is grey stripes, I have ideas to bring color in through the window coverings and wall decor.  It takes a while to get there :)

Facing out of Silas' room is the door to the attic on the right, the window facing the front yard on the left, and our room straight across the hall.

This is our room.  We look out over the front yard and the side yard (I LOVE that there are two windows in every bedroom.  LOVE).  We love laying in bed on Saturday mornings with the light coming in and we can see out the widows from the bed.  

If you open the door to the attic, these are the stairs leading to what is actually our 4th floor (since we have a basement also).

To the left is our future wii and movie area.

To the right is the kids' play area, and the rock wall that Jordan just built for them.  So, yes, they are literally climbing the walls around here :)

The attic is hard to really grasp without seeing in person.  It is unfinished, so all the strange fabric and plastic over the walls covers insulation, but not all of it.  We are making the best of it without putting too much money into it.  Right now the kids are up there all the time making train tracks, playing cars, sliding and climbing the walls or hanging on the rings.  Rainy days...you got nothin' on us!

While we are waiting for Jewel to wake up, I take the boys downstairs for breakfast.  Now the kitchen and dining area are flooded with morning light.  This is where I spend most of my day.  Ahhhhhh.  (The white door is the one that leads to the side deck where we keep the table and bbq for now)

Back to the front door (sorry for the out of order!), the piano would be right in front of me, in the hallway leading to the kitchen, the stairs just off to the right, and the playroom to my direct right.  To the direct left is the living room.  The window seat is also storage for big blankets and pillows.

Still working on this, planning to put poster size photographs behind these window frames.  Those are my Dutch shoes on the floor by our basket of slippers.

This is the front door from the inside of the house.

So you can see that the living room opens to the dining room which connects to the kitchen and then the hallway back to the front door makes for a big circle.

Now the back deck in the light.  The trees in the back half of the property, and just beyond that (and a neighborhood we pretend isn't there) is the city of Beaverton and Hillsboro.

These are our garden beds for all our small veggies.  We started our seedlings inside this week and are already seeing sprouts.  Just past the beds we will do larger growing items like squash and corn.  

Sweet Jewel finally joins us, and this is her room.  It is at the top of the stairs, just to the right of the bathroom.  She keeps the pac n play set up in here for her baby dolls.  It is also nice for when my friends with their little babes are over during nap times.

This is the first time Jewel has had her own room.  I love this room and all it's sweet touches and feminine looks.

Jewel has the best views in the house.  At night, just past the trees, are all the city lights.  She looks out over the back yard on the south side of her room and the garden on the west side of her room.

Now I am out by the street, facing the house.  Just east of the house is this old barn (hard to see with the sun behind it).  Sadly it is not safe for us to use as there is a hole in the roof and the rain has destroyed it's strength.  But, it still looks awesome.

And then we are back to the front of the house, the garage to the right (with the suburban in front) and the road right behind me.  

When we way that we want to host, we really do.  When we say we want you to come and stay, we really do.  When we invite you over for dinner, we can't wait to have you.  When we say that God has blessed us beyond our wildest dreams...HE HAS!

Did I mention the house is 12 minutes from our church, 15 minutes from most of my friends, and 20 minutes to Jordan's office?  Did I mention we were up on the hill?  Did you see the beam of sunlight?  Did I say we just picked the spot for the sandbox, hung a swing in the back tree, got a riding lawnmower, and started our garden?

I don't know how long we can stay here, but if Jesus comes back while we are in this house, we would be thrilled.

Little T

I love this kid.  His days are like this:  black eye in the morning from insisting on climbing cement steps by himself and missing his footing, fat lip in the afternoon from a wresting match gone south with Silas, and then while I am making dinner, he grabs a stack of books and plants himself in the middle of the kitchen floor to read.

 With the wrestling also comes some super cute brother playing time.  Even caught in the action of getting along, they smile and keep going :)

He is getting SO into books.  Every night he brings book after book after book to the chair to read.  He loves to point to the pictures, pretend like he is talking to me about it, and turn the pages.  I read, he mimicks the sounds.  Although, so far pretty much every animal growls.  I am excited to have another one so captured by reading.  Silas was the same way and still is.  Jewel has found her interest with Fancy Nancy, so Ooh La La, we'll take it :)

Snow days

We did not have nearly the snow we were hoping for this year.  We did get one nice dose that at least let us see the house and yard covered, and we did go for a walk that day and make a few snow balls.  One Saturday we bundled everyone up and drove to Mt. Hood for sledding.  It was a totally clear and relatively warm day.

It took the kids a while to get into the sledding groove.  Silas wanted to watch Jordan and I go several times before he made an attempt.  Jewel wanted to be held most of the time (in all her snow gear), but did finally enjoy going down the hill with one of us.  Trey was all about the adventure of exploration.  The sled was fine, the zooming was fun, but he mostly wanted to trek around on his own, eating snow and watching for entertaining crashes.  He did surf down the slopes standing on the sled a couple times, then we made him lay on his stomach for safety purposes...that was fun, too.

After sledding for a while the two little ones and I were pooped.  Jewel was just done.  I had been alternating carrying her and Trey up the hills to sled down, and the snow was DEEP.  It was a major work out to trudge through when each step took me in to my knees and I was holding my 35lb 3 year old all the while.  Trey was hungry and getting tired since we skipped naps for the outing.

I took the them both and we went back to the suburban.  As I was getting them snacks I started to smell something.  Through 3 layers of clothing and jackets, Trey was definitely poopy.  I laid him on the seat and got to work peeling away coats, mittens, long johns and such to get to the mess.  When he was finally naked on the seat, Jewel grabs her own buns and says frantically "I need to go poop!"  I told her to please wait while I finished with Trey.  She just couldn't.  "I have to go now Mom!"  I was rushing through Trey's change as fast as I could.  Then I looked over at her as she drops her shoulders and heaves a great big sigh.  "I just did it in my pants."

So, I got Trey rebundled, found her a change of clothes and we did the wide leg walk up to the ski resort bathrooms.  Once in the ladies room, I take both of them into the handicap stall and start the stripping process for Jewel, very carefully.  Meanwhile, she is getting teary and feeling bad that she couldn't hold it and Trey is starting to unravel the toilet paper.  I am working quickly, but he is faster.  She is saying "Mommy, please help me, get this off me" while I am trying to keep Trey out of the garbage and the toilet.  Once we are finally done and Trey is certainly covered in every nasty germ in the bathroom, I am sweating and nearly in tears myself.

On the way back to the Suburban we can see Silas and Jordan on the top of the hill.  Big smiles, big waves.  They are having a blast.  Oh my.  I am planning on a giant coffee for the ride home.

Jordan and Sommer, 2012

I am thankful for this first picture that my sweet sister captured at Jewel and Trey's birthday party.  I think it is the best way to sum up the year for Jordan and I.

This has been a remarkable year for us.  Last January I watched as Jordan poured his heart out to God and then responded in obedience as we moved our family back to our house in Hillsboro.  This act of obedience, although a difficult step of action for our family, was absolutely incredible to me.  It spoke volumes of who Jordan is continuing to become.  I have always been attracted to him, always been enamored by him, but being led by him has been a gift of this year.

We had very tumultuous times in Hillsboro.  After completing the refinance on the house, we started combing Craig's List every night.  We were looking for our dream house.  Jordan was convinced of needing more space, getting far out of town, the quiet, the open, the fresh air.  I wanted those things in a way, but I craved community of our church, friends, and a neighborhood where I could get connected while he was busy at work.  We did a lot of 'debating' about what was best.  Nature life is good for the family, community life is good for the family.  What was the 'compromise'?  From our perspective there wasn't one.  There was no house with space that was close to town that we could afford.  

What we were learning is that our marriage is not about compromising.  If we compromise, neither one of us is truly happy.  We both see the final result in view of the things we gave up.  Instead, we wanted our desires to be transformed into God's desires, effectively uniting them.  At the root of our own wants, was the desire to be in a place that allowed our family to develop in God's will.  We both believed that God was in agreement with us to continue to pursue that desire.  We also believed that as long as we kept our eyes on Him and that common root, he would provide us a place to live.  We spent 6 months reminding each other of that, praying that together, and chanting it to ourselves when we were completely and utterly suffocating in our Hillsboro house.  

It wasn't that the whole time there was bad.  We experienced a lot of great family time.  

Jordan is by far the most invested and participating husband and father that I know.  We made countless weekend adventures, exploring everywhere from the coast to Mt. Hood and back again.  After a full work day he would come home (he still does this) and engage with the kids in whatever they were involved in.  He is affirming and affectionate in a way that leaves no guessing as to his feelings about you.  Our whole family eats that up.  He is passionate about raising his children in a Godly home where relationships and experiences are the focus of our time.  God has richly equipped him for that and he operates magnificently within those gifts.  

At work Jordan started experiencing great successes.  He has been affirmed by the leadership as a hard worker not only in the office (he earned an extra paid day off for his organizational work and task completion in his collateral responsibilities) but in the gym (he earned another day for exceeding his fitness goals).  He has gained respect among his peers and co-workers for his work ethic and dedication to doing things the right way the first time.  He has been chosen for several special assignments, further evidence of the favor of his superiors.  It is with great pride that we accompany him to work functions, delighted to be the family that belongs to this man.  

All of those things for me were just the 'given'.  He has always been a fantastic dad, always been invested at work.  This year, Jordan allowed God to transform his as the Spiritual Leader of our family and as a unit with me.  In total awe and amazement I have seen him humble himself, be changed, and live above reproach in our marriage.  

In July, the opportunity for us to move in with Jenn and her kids was presented to us.  I will confess that I was hesitant.  Sure, I would be more than willing to help Jenn in her situation while Troy was gone.  I would love to spend time there and bring her meals and take her girls some days.  But live there?  That is just too over the top for me.  I like to function in the expected, the comfortable, the middle.  The controllable.  Jordan likes to live in the adventure, the edge, the wild, the non conformist.  

When we got there I watched him shine.  He LOVED Jenn's kids.  He contributed to house chores and maintenance.  He was present and invested.  It was remarkable.  He sacrificially gave of his time with me.  In the evening when the kids were tucked in and the house was picked up, he frequently retreated to the bedroom to give Jenn and I a little time to debrief from the day.  She and I needed that in order to stay on the same page and care for our friendship aside from our arrangement.  He volunteered to watch kids when we needed a break and wanted to be able to do something together that was fun and not kid related.  He brought a lightness and a humor and fun to the house that we often lost sight of in the business of surviving the daily tasks.  

Jordan operated in the Spirit.  It was more than checking things off of his list or fulfilling an obligation.  He allowed the Holy Spirit to transform his heart's desires so that he was actually doing what he felt in his heart to do, because it was aligned with the Spirit.  

He did not rest in making preparations for when our time at Jenn's was done.  Countless hours he poured over the computer looking for 'our house'.  He continued to seek God's direction and wisdom concerning buying or renting.  

In all of this we never disagreed, never argued, always saw eye to eye and encouraged each other.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

We were living in someone else's house, with 6 kids ages five and under, with another parent, in a different city, trying to make major decisions about our future.  It was not all Spirit led perfection.

But, we were relentless in being committed to our love for God and seeing one another as a gift.  We continued to pray that God would sift through our 'self' to make us 'one'.  We didn't want to just be one with each other, we wanted to be one with God.  We wanted to be interwoven.  Inseparable.  Fused.  God was gracious in giving us opportunity to establish that, and gracious to continue to give us a taste of what it was like.  It was good.  We liked it.  

At every turn we were given a choice.  Do it my way, do it his/her way, do it God's way.  Even in the decision to rent the house we are in now (more to come on that), it was a painful stripping away of our individual selves and a choice to pursue obedience in the form of unity.  The result was beautiful in that decision, but we aren't done making the choices.

Once our time at Jenn's was over, we went to Arizona for two weeks over Christmas.  We celebrated our 10 year anniversary while we were there.  And by celebrate I mean that our parents took our kids for two nights and we shut ourselves away from the world, dying to truly experience the closeness we had been feeling, without any distraction.  

About 3 years ago, Jordan and I spent some significant time under the guidance and counseling of my Aunt Julie and Uncle Calvin.  We were in a tough spot and we knew we wanted to be better, but had no idea how to get there from where we were.  Through their marriage ministry material, they walked us through Spiritual healing and growth that stretched from ourselves, into our marriage relationship, and effectively began a transformation of our life together.  One of the topics we talked about with them was being able to be naked and unashamed with one another.  The physical act of doing this is a reflection of the Spiritual truth of being totally united.  

I struggled with this.  Being naked and unashamed is freeing, but horribly difficult to get to.  In the Spiritual sense, it is vulnerable to tell someone what you feel like God is saying to you, how he is asking you to grow or change, and then live with that person who sees your every mistake and self indulging decision.  In the physical sense, I have had three children.  Some people recover totally and quickly and beautifully from this, I have not.  It would be freeing to say that it didn't matter, but it is incredibly hard to get there.

I have to compare to when I was more 'fit' physically.  In reflection of our weekend celebrating our 10 years of marriage, I recalled our honeymoon.  Ten days of cruise ship bliss.  No kids, no work, no school.  Just me and Jordan.  Naked and unashamed.  But not really.  We should have been, but it is more of a hesitant progression than what I imagined.  In my head I can recall thinking, he's never seen me like this, is he OK with it, what does he think, am I acceptable?  I was naked, but I was not unashamed.  Through marriage I think I became less and less naked in the Spiritual sense.  I was unashamed of what I gave him, but I was not giving him all of me.  We didn't know how to interact Spiritually, so we tried to keep that separate while still claiming to be naked and unashamed.  In our defense, I don't think we knew it was stunting us.  

In the last three years, I have been totally Spiritually exposed to him.  Every time I succeed, every time I fail, every time I question and wonder and every time I worship and praise.  He knows what is happening in my heart.  In the same way, he has been exposed to me.  All of his self, the little things that seemed unrelated, the big things that were too big to broach, all laid out before me.

Fast forward to our 10 year anniversary.  Stark Naked, Totally Unashamed.  We spent the weekend experiencing the gift of that truth.  I feel like I want to give the clarifying statement that we know we haven't arrived and we still have problems and we haven't crossed all our bridges and...blah, blah, blah. We were completely nude and unashamed.  We both felt like we were back in the Garden.  This is marriage bliss.  We experienced the freedom of physical nakedness coupled with the incredible joy and intimacy of Spiritual nakedness.  We laughed and joked, we cried and remembered, we wondered and dreamed, we thought out loud and listened and responded and shared.  We took communion together with clean and forgiven hearts and committed our next ten years to the Lord.  It isn't that we are blissfully ignorant of what is ahead of us, it is that we are equipped and prepared for facing it together.  Are we done learning, of course not, but we have tasted such intimacy that it will always be worth the fight.  

Tears just pour from my eyes as I write this.  God has blessed us so far beyond the marriage that we thought we wanted.  If we still have progress to make and still have growth and maturation in front of us, I am full throttle committed to it.  

And we'll do it all in the nude!  :)

birthday remnants

I found these on my phone, they are late for the birthday post, but still good ones :)

The Dangers of Homeschool

I had put Trey down for a little morning quiet time, I try not to let him sleep anymore in the morning, but sometimes he needs a little break from the chaos.  While he was down I put Silas to work on school stuff and Jewel was playing in the playroom.  I went to dry my hair.

10 minutes later I hear Jewel coming up the stairs in tears.  Silas is right behind her.

"I need to tell my Mommy" she is saying
"Stop, Jewel." Silas says, "I'm telling you that I am sorry.  You still have a ton of hair.  Look, look at this huge bunch of hair you still have."

I GASP and shut of the blowdryer.  I meet them in the hallway and start frantically searching her hair for a gap.  Thankfully, I can't find it.  She is crying quietly.  He is teary.  I am relieved that it at least isn't obvious.  It's not bangs, thankfully.

We go downstairs and have ANOTHER talk about scissors.  Actually I am surprised that this is our first incident.  I am picking up a few things and calming the frayed nerves.  I go to drop something in the garbage and see THIS...

 Now it is serious.  I am looking again through her hair.  I finally find the chopped piece.  He took his craft project and ditched the directions for a hair cutting session.  It really isn't noticeable, but I did text Jordan immediately with the information.  As I am talking to him, the kids are getting ready for swim class.

When Jewel comes out, dressed for class, I am sure no one will notice her hair cut.

Anyway, this is what happens when all your kids are home, all the time, and scissors are involved in any way.  I think I need a vacation.