Spring Cleaning....

 Yes, Spring cleaning at the end of July.  Life has been a whirlwind since May.  I want to catch up before we get even further ahead of ourselves!

In June, I had the honor of throwing a baby shower for my friend, Lisa.  It is her last sweet little baby, and celebrating with her, her family, and our friends, was so much fun.  I am learning that I really enjoy these party planning and throwing opportunities...especially when it is for someone I love so much!

Just two weeks ago, Lisa and her husband, Kyle, and their kids; Marin, Maddie, and Max, welcomed baby Marcus into the family.  He is cute as can be and a treasure to round off this fabulous family.

For the baby shower we did a camping theme...and roasted gourmet s'mores.  Thank you pintrest.

 My cousin, Jean, was in town for this weekend (thankfully, because three kids plus shower planning is a little wacky).  She's the kind of house guest that feels more like a relief to welcome than to send off.  She feeds Trey baby food while I am cutting up dinner for Jewel, she reads books to one while the others are getting bathed, she finishes dishes while the littles are getting tucked in, she stays up until wee hours of the morning sharing hearts and listening to stories and struggles.  Needless to say, we all soaked up every last minute of our time with her and had big tears when she left. 

We made a trip to the Rose Garden on her last day...I can't stop myself from plastering my totally adorable daughter all over this blog post.  The yellow dress plus the yellow roses made for a postcard setting. 

 There was also a spot for ring around the rosie (although we weren't actually around the rosies at this time), rolling around in the grass, and a big brother helping his little sister back up the hill. 

 Already looking forward to Auntie Jean's next business trip to the NW.  We are very blessed to have shared this weekend with you!

Temples

This physical body, my earthly tent...it is weak.  I have not been caring for it or tending to it in a way to preserve or better it.  It is showing.  

At first I felt discouraged and guilty.  It is such hard work to change anything.  Why did I let myself get to this place.  I am unpleasing to myself and to others.  Digging my pit...digging, digging, digging.  Once in my pit of self pity and despair, I don't know where to begin to get out.  Cut out sweets?  Start a major exercise regimen?  Count calories?  Buy a stationary bike?  I felt like crying thinking about each of those things and what they would require of me on top of what I feel like I am already sacrificing and working at.  I see all the remedies others have been able to use...why am I not feeling drawn to anything?  More discouragement.  More recognition that my motivation will never be enough on it's own.

I was scanning facebook a few days ago and saw this post:

I get "the temple" idea. Do we really think GOD (or higher power) gives an ish if we are tan/pretty/fab!!? "Cause" I DONT! .Rather have a God that looks at ME, and not "my temple". Blech.

It got me thinking.  I am not the only person who struggles with this.  In various forms, many people are wrestling with how to care for their earthly bodies.  Then it got me praying.  God, how do you want us to care for these earthly bodies?  More specifically, what are you asking me to do right now to honor and obey you in the care of my earthly body.  This person's comment on the 'temple' brought me to His Word.  


David wanted to build God a temple.  He even had the gift of building a palace, while the Ark of the Covenant was in a tent.  But when David inquired the Lord about building him a dwelling place, God said:


2 Samuel 7:5-7
⁵ “Go and tell my servant David, ‘This is what the Lord says: Are you the one to build me a house to dwell in? ⁶ I have not dwelt in a house from the day I brought the Israelites up out of Egypt to this day. I have been moving from place to place with a tent as my dwelling. ⁷ Wherever I have moved with all the Israelites, did I ever say to any of their rulers whom I commanded to shepherd my people Israel, “Why have you not built me a house of cedar? ”’


But, God honored David's heart


1 Kings 8:17-19
¹⁷ “My father David had it in his heart to build a temple for the Name of the Lord, the God of Israel.¹⁸ But the Lord said to my father David, ‘Because it was in your heart to build a temple for my Name, you did well to have this in your heart. ¹⁹ Nevertheless, you are not the one to build the temple, but your son, who is your own flesh and blood—he is the one who will build the temple for my Name.’

The temple that Solomon built was magnificent.  Cedar, gold, and cherubim made from olive wood. It was ornate.  There was incredible detail.  I read through 1 Kings 6, slowly, absorbing the descriptive language.  Is this how God wants me to pay attention to my body?  Why do I feel so resentful toward that?  Why do I so heavily resist emphasis on this area of my life?  I am sure there are many factors that contribute to this, but here I am now, 30 years old, and I am responsible for every decision that I make. I want to make a responsible decision about my body.

As I asked God to open my eyes and my heart, I re-read the chapter and came to 1 Kings 6:12

"As for this temple you are building, if you follow my decrees, carry out my regulations, and keep all my commands and obey them, I will fulfill through you the promise I gave to David your father.  And I will live among the Israelites and will not abandon my people Israel."

The temple was not Solomon's plan.  It was God's plan.


Perhaps the ideas were Solomon's, within the boundaries of the revealed plan for the tabernacle (in which the temple was modeled after), but it's fruition was God.  Everything that Solomon did in preparation, construction, dedication and use of the temple was all for God.  It was literally God's dwelling place.   


I Kings 10:8-13

¹⁰ When the priests withdrew from the Holy Place, the cloud filled the temple of the Lord. ¹¹ And the priests could not perform their service because of the cloud, for the glory of the Lord filled his temple.

¹² Then Solomon said, “The Lord has said that he would dwell in a dark cloud;¹³ I have indeed built a magnificent temple for you, a place for you to dwellforever.”

The temple was magnificent, indeed.  But, Solomon's desire in making it that way was to honor God dwelling there.  His prayer of dedication is a clear reflection of his heart.  It is 40 verses of proclaiming that God is the reason for the temple, and may he be honored by it.  These verses of the dedication struck my heart:

v23: “Lord, the God of Israel, there is no God like you in heaven above or on earth below—you who keep your covenant of love with your servants who continue wholeheartedly in your way.

vs27-30²⁷ “But will God really dwell on earth? The heavens, even the highest heaven,cannot contain you. How much less this temple I have built! ²⁸ Yet give attention to your servant’s prayer and his plea for mercy, Lord my God. Hear the cry and the prayer that your servant is praying in your presence this day.²⁹ May your eyes be open toward this temple night and day, this place of which you said, ‘My Name shall be there,’ so that you will hear the prayer your servant prays toward this place. ³⁰ Hear the supplication of your servant and of your people Israel when they pray toward this place. Hear from heaven, your dwelling place, and when you hear, forgive.

vs60-61⁶⁰ so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the Lord is God and that there is no other. ⁶¹ And may your hearts be fully committed to the Lord our God, to live by his decrees and obey his commands, as at this time.”

And then God responds.  He affirms all that Solomon has done in his name.

1 Kings 9:3

The Lord said to him:

“I have heard the prayer and plea you have made before me; I have consecrated this temple, which you have built, by putting my Name there forever. My eyes and my heart will always be there.

In the new testament, God gives us an incredible gift.  Instead of dwelling in a temple, he dwells within us.

Acts 17:24

²⁴ “The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands.

I Corinthians 3:16:

¹⁶ Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you?

2 Corinthians 6:16:

¹⁶ What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God.As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.”<sup>[a]


What can be done with all of this information?  These are all God's words, so what does that mean for me, today?  I want to think clearly about it, and faithfully bring it to God's feet.  I have a daughter who will one day have to settle these things in her heart as well.  I want to desire a life of obedience and worship to her.  


When I view my body as God's temple, I first think about David.  He wanted to build the temple, but was not given a blessing by God to spend his time on that project.  I identify with this.  I really believe that in the past, for me, God has not given me the blessing to spend my time and energy on building my temple.  Like David, I have been combating other things and been on the move.  I have not had rest.  Thankfully, God's words are comfort.  He dwelled for many, many years in a tent.  It did not diminish his power (in fact, it was visible and mighty as he led the Israelites out of Egypt and helped David defeat countless armies).  It did not diminish his presence.  Dwelling in a tent or in a beautiful temple was not about defining God.</sup>


But, God did honor David's desire to make a dwelling place for him.  It was pleasing to God that a temple was on David's heart.  It is pleasing to God that I have been thinking about the physical care of my body, that I have been seeking an opportunity to make it a priority.  When God gave Solomon the direction to build the temple, in all of it's splendor and majesty, that was a gift.  I feel like I have been given a gift to make this temple of mine a priority.  


But how do I make this an act of obedience, to honor God, and not to bring recognition to myself?  I have to seek guidance from his Holy Spirit.  What do I set aside to make this priority work?  How can I be obedient in building the temple while still caring for Jordan and my kids?  If only I had multiple servants like Solomon!  Then I could really get 'er done :)  I have to remember that the state of my temple does not define God's work in my life.  I have to be stilled by his Spirit that the response of others to my temple has nothing to do with God's activity in my life.  I want to keep the act of building and decorating and maintaining and dedicating and praying over this temple as an act of worship to my God.  


So, I work it out day by day, decision by decision.  He already dwells within me, the appearance of this dwelling place is simply a gift.  If I can really believe this truth and live it, then I don't need to be devastated if construction is put on hold, or if I have to leave the sight of the temple and pack up a tent for a new journey.  


I recognize that God's dictation to me of the specifications of this temple are unique to my relationship with him.  Others will have different instructions or will be given different materials or will have more time to pay attention to details.  My temple is HIS.  By his grace he dwells within me.  That is a gift.

Oh man

Just when I think life can't get any busier, we add crawling and solid food.  The crawling video is a week or so old, he has since learned how to pick his knees up more and has increased speed and distance.  I can no longer video him because if I turn my back for one minute to grab my camera, something is sure to go wrong.  Legos in the mouth, electrical cords are discovered, someone's snack crackers, heading toward to fire place.  Last week I brought the vacuum into the room and then went to go help Silas brush the sand off his feet at the back door.  Trey made haste to the vacuum, grabbed the cord and pulled the entire vacuum down on his head.  A bright red crash mark and a few tears later...he's back on the road.  

Solid food is usually just tough to add because it is time consuming.  It is tricky to cut food for Jewel, get Silas' seconds, all in between getting bites of food into the baby's mouth.  However, it is much more difficult if the food serves as a flavoring for the thumb.  Between nearly every bite, Trey has to get his thumb back into his mouth.  Little stinker :)

Every stage brings new excitement and fun with each kid.  These are just a few of my current favorites.  The pictures and videos don't necessarily go with the story, but, what's a blog post without pictures of my cute kids?

Jewel packs a lot of life into each day.  This is a video of her practicing chewing gum.  The picture is of her in her car seat, where she now asks to have her baby buckled in with her.  Also, in the bathtub a couple days ago, where she found Silas' goggles.  Just plain cuteness.  There is little down time with this busy girl, so bed times are critical for winding down and relaxing to prepare for sleep.  She needs a lot of snuggling.  There is no doubt that physical touch is her love language.  Right now, after we read books, sing songs, pray, and talk together, she just needs to be close to whomever is tucking her into bed that night.  She grabs me (or Jordan), one hand on either side of my head, and pulls me in until we are cheek to cheek.  Then she just holds my head there.  She makes these soft, humming noises...almost like what you hear when you plug in an electronic device and it starts charging.  In fact, I think that's exactly what she's doing.  Getting her fill.  When she's done, she'll slowly push my head back and then just stroke my cheek and rub my arms, of course I do the same to her.  Each night I try to close my eyes and memorize the smell of her skin, the sound of her hums, the feel of her sleepy breaths on my neck, and the closeness that she wants with me.  

Trey may be our family comedian.  This little guys is just looking for opportunities to flash his double toothed smile and share his giggle.  This picture is a family tradition (for some reason my living room is always too dark to not use a flash and then the flash makes these harsh shadows...ugh) of babies standing on their daddy's hand.  The video is his giggle.  Sometimes, because life gets busy, Trey gets a late start on nap or bed times.  I doesn't show it in fussiness, or crankiness, I don't know it until we get into his room.  With lights off, blanket all snugged around us, slightly cradled, cheek against my chest...and he gets the giggles.  Not just a little bit of giggles, the kind of belly laugh where he's shaking with laughter but no noise is coming out until he stops to catch his breath and start again.  Of course, there is no way to not join in with him.  Pretty soon there is nothing sleepy about nap time, we are both cracking up at each other.  This makes it very hard to get relaxed for bed.  I try to put him up over my shoulder and regain composure.  He'll lay his head down and suck his thumb for a minute, then pop up and look at me, the giggles start again.  Then he wants to grab my face and give me wide open mouth kisses.  He finds that very funny to do...more laughing.  Bed time can take MUCH longer this way...but it is so, incredibly worth it.

Silas is, by far, the most tender hearted big brother I have ever seen.  He is so intentional with Jewel, gentle with Trey, and a servant leader...helping at every opportunity.  This is us waiting for the train a few weekends ago, he had his eye on Jewel the entire time we were near the tracks, getting on and off the train, and while sitting on the train together.  The video is him with his gear.  He is very proud of his dad, making him very interested in 'weaponry' and badges.  The second video is him on the rings that hang in the kids' room.  He is getting so creative in trying lots of new stunts.  He wants to do things that no one has done before.  The other video I took of him on the rings is at least 10 minutes long because he was insistent that he had just 'one more trick'.  So, this is the latest stunt, just once :)  Silas is so contemplative.  While we were driving down the freeway last week, he gives me this little glimpse:

"Mom, I don't know all the people driving on the road.  I hardly know any of them.  They might live close to here or maybe far away because freeways go a really long way.  They might have just gotten on the road or they've been on it for a long time.  Some of the people are driving to work, or to home, or to visit friends.  But, I don't know them.  I bet they are thinking about me, too.  They are probably all thinking the same thing I am thinking.  Do you think so, Mom?"

I treasure each conversation we have.  I wish I could record more of them.  This is the beginning of a precious relationship with my big boy.

to an unknown God

Acts 17:22-28

New International Version (NIV)

 ²² Paul then stood up in the meeting of the Areopagus and said: “People of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious. ²³ For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD. So you are ignorant of the very thing you worship—and this is what I am going to proclaim to you.

 ²⁴ “The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. ²⁵ And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. ²⁶ From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. ²⁷ God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. ²⁸ ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’^[a] As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’^[b]

Yesterday was Miles' birthday.  In many ways, to an outsider, it was just a regular Sunday.  We got up and rushed around getting off to church on time, had lunch with friends after, all took long naps, a walk and a drive after dinner, kids tucked into bed and preparation for the week.  But I was somehow less present and more present at the same time.  I felt less present as though everything around me was just happening despite me.  It feels horrible to be lost in the thoughts of your baby in heaven while everything around you feels so normal and routine.  And yet, as I watched the daily events, I felt a heightened and acute awareness of each detail.  Every interaction, every song sung, every word preached, every conversation that took place was under the scrutiny of a heart focused on heaven in an intense, non-routine, kind of way.  I have been feeling the struggle of experiencing joy and satisfaction here on earth when my soul is being fashioned for heaven, but all weekend and specifically yesterday, I was less 'at home' here on earth than usual.  

This Sunday was also Palm Sunday, the beginning of the Triumphal Entry into Jerusalem.  The pastor brought up the above verses from Acts 17 in his sermon.  I have been thinking and praying about them, in my removed state of mind, for the last 24 hours.  Paul was in Athens, preaching to the people there about needing to get rid of their idols and serve God.  He notes that they even have an altar to an idol 'TO AN UNKNOWN GOD'.  The Athenians were trying to have all their bases covered, making altars to every idol in every area of life, and incase they missed one area they made a generic altar as well.  But it struck my heart deeply as I sat in church with a lot of Christian people.  How many of us are serving an 'UNKNOWN GOD'?

We know his Name.  We know key Bible verses and song lyrics.  We can share facts and stories that have happened to other people that are evidences of his character.  But perhaps to us personally, he is unknown.  In fact, I have to confess that I often feel this way.  I am so limited by my earthly restraints.  I long to know him, but my finite thinking traps me.  I can get glimpses and tastes, but it really just makes me want more and I know that on this side of heaven there will always be a part of him that is unknown to me.  Am I living in ignorance of the very God I worship?

Our culture has become so saturated with God-like terms.  Specifically as Eater approaches I think about the message that will be given in churches across the world in less than a week.  It's pretty predictable, even if you've never been in a church service.  God made man, we sinned and brought death into the world, God sent his Son to earth to save us, he died on the cross for our sins and was raised up on the third day and ascended into heaven to make a way for us to stand clean before God and have eternity in heaven with him.  The facts are remarkable, so why is it that this story can fall on so many ears and still have no lasting impression?  This God is still unknown to so many.  Even those who proclaim his name.

It is easy to emphasize 'sin' in the Easter story.  It is a key element, but how is it defined?  I think most commonly it is thought of, in the way we explain it to our kids, the naughty things we do.  Our poor motives, our selfish decisions, cutting corners here and there, slighting others to promote our agenda, and so on.  We do all of those things, and we do need to be saved from those things, but there is more.  There is a dissatisfaction in me.  Something that just doesn't seem right, or complete, or filling.

We are made for heaven.  We are made for holiness.  We are made to be in perfect communion with God.  We are made for eternal worship and relationship.

We can't help but try for those things on earth, in or out of the confines of traditional Christianity.  We try to make things 'right', do things 'right', grow in the 'right way' from our experiences.  But we just can't quite get there.  Even the 'right' things that happen don't fully satisfy us.  We are left longing for something, aching for something, even a dull ache or quiet wonder, for an 'UNKNOWN'.  There are reflections of Him here...marriage, having children, loving and caring for others, church, friendships...but they are only earthly reflections so they are broken and they disappoint.  How easy to think 'I can't be looking for God, these things that proclaim him are also not totally satisfying to me.'  And so the search goes on.

But Easter is not just about the bad things we do, it is about this longing and hoping and searching and dissatisfaction...all based around this 'UNKNOWN'.

Isaiah 59:14-15

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁴ So justice is driven back,
   and righteousness stands at a distance;
truth has stumbled in the streets,
   honesty cannot enter.
¹⁵ Truth is nowhere to be found,
   and whoever shuns evil becomes a prey.

This is where I live.  People are fighting for justice but it is a loosing battle.  There is a longing for righteousness but it always seems out of reach.  Where is truth?  It is being debated among every one I know, but it cannot be found.  It is dissatisfying and exhausting to clamor for more in this atmosphere.

Isaiah 59:15-20

New International Version (NIV)

   The LORD looked and was displeased
   that there was no justice.
¹⁶ He saw that there was no one,
   he was appalled that there was no one to intervene;
so his own arm achieved salvation for him,
   and his own righteousness sustained him.
¹⁷ He put on righteousness as his breastplate,
   and the helmet of salvation on his head;
he put on the garments of vengeance
   and wrapped himself in zeal as in a cloak.
¹⁸ According to what they have done,
   so will he repay
wrath to his enemies
   and retribution to his foes;
   he will repay the islands their due.
¹⁹ From the west, people will fear the name of the LORD,
   and from the rising of the sun, they will revere his glory.
For he will come like a pent-up flood
   that the breath of the LORD drives along.^[a]

 ²⁰ “The Redeemer will come to Zion,
   to those in Jacob who repent of their sins,”
            declares the LORD.

He came first to die on the cross, to acknowledge that sin was saturating the world and that the world could not turn from it on it's own.  He was displeased that there was no justice, no one to stand in the gap for his children, no one to advocate for their longing, no one to stick up for them and protect them.  So, he took matters into his own hands, literally.  He sent salvation in the form of his Son.  He was clothed with God's armor, and he came to fight...for us.  And when he died on the cross that day, he defeated sin.  He took our punishment.  

But that was not the end.  It wasn't just to cleanse us of sin.  It wasn't just to take our punishment or to make us feel better about our good standing before God.  He also rose from the grave.  He came back to life.  After the sins were gone, he came back.  He didn't just come back as a spectacle, to prove his power.  He came back to see his friends, to tend to them, to show them he is good for his word, to show them the holes in his hands as evidence of his love for them.

He came back for the relationship, the comfort, the connection, the healing, the invitation to eternity.  Our sins are a result of our broken hearts.  We sin in protection of ourselves because we bought the lie that He doesn't love us enough to take care of us.  We believed Satan when he said God can't be trusted.  Now that our sin is on the cross, and paid for, he comes back to win our hearts.  Once we have been wiped clean and accepted his gift of forgiveness, we are ready to enter into relationship with him, our hearts are softened to his voice, we can see who we truly are and a piece of who he truly is.  Instead of hearing the lie, we begin to grasp the truth.  And so the relationship with the 'UNKNOWN' begins.  Slowly we start to get to know him.  It is no longer through the lens of someone else's experience or point of view.  We get to know him ourselves.  

Philippians 1:21-26

New International Version (NIV)

²¹ For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. ²² If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know!²³ I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; ²⁴ but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. ²⁵Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, ²⁶ so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me.

When we enter into relationship with him, being filled with his gift of his Spirit, tasting the feast that awaits us in heaven, the wholeness and fullness that we will be given on the day of his return, the depth of his true love, the sweetness of his certain voice, the comfort of his reassuring hand...we truly start to long for him.  The longing is so real and tangible that there is a battle within our hearts...to live is Christ, to die is gain.  We are torn between the two!  But, here we are now, living in this place, as God has arranged for us to do.  So we pour out ourselves to those around us, praying that they can catch a taste, that they would enter into relationship, begin the journey towards eternity, being filled with his comfort and love through his Spirit.

All of my children are a tangible expression of God's love for me.  I kept Trey with me again this week, wrapping him up and letting him sleep against my chest during the service.  Tears dripped down my cheeks on and off throughout the worship and sermon.  I do not see any one of my kids as a replacement for Miles, but when I am given the gift of cradling this baby in my arms, it reminds me of the gifts waiting for me in heaven.  The reasons why God took Miles in the way that he did are still part of the unknown for me.  But, using him to draw my heart and my eyes to heaven in a whole new way has been one taste of the redemption of my loss.  

Lord, thank you for tending to your children, for caring for the things that weigh heavy on their hearts, for cleansing us from our sins and coming back to begin us on a journey of a loving and personal relationship with you.  Thank you for giving us your Spirit, to dwell inside our hearts and remind us of who we are in you, and to be our comfort on this road to heaven.  We long for you.  We long for you.

siblings

So thankful for the relationships forming between these siblings.

Irresistible

This little girl makes me so full of joy and amazement.  Love her so much.  Overwhelmed by my love for her.