August

On the beach, inside a cloud, with Audrey

Dinner and a movie date with Audrey
(and yes, that is a shiner on Silas' eye...a bed jumping injury)

Trying to dig in the sand with the dads

A great big hug!

It is late at night, Friday night. I should be sleeping but my growing belly, active baby, jumpy muscles and thinking brain just won't let me.

Let's face it, the last month of pregnancy is just really tough. I am hesitant to complain, or even describe my discomfort to anyone. I know that still being pregnant at nearly 37 weeks is my biggest blessing. I am not ignorant to the challenges that a baby being born prior to this time can bring. I don't want to place my own physical desires over the needs of my unborn baby. I have even been critical of others who have wished for an early delivery. I am not foolish enough to think that giving birth at this time will make things easier for me...being pregnant versus caring for an infant...neither is easy.

But also, I do live in this failing body. My joints are aching. My feet are swelling. I want to be able to pick up Silas and snuggle him in close to me without my stomach being in the way. I want more than 1/2 an hour to go by between my trips to the bathroom.

I am DYING to meet my baby. I am ready to look into little baby eyes and touch soft baby cheeks. I would rather be up with my baby right now; nursing, talking, getting to know each other...much more so than writing on my computer. My mother in law assures me this is how pregnancy is designed to be. Babies can't stay in there forever, so by the end your body desires the change. I needed the liberty to express myself instead of trying to be careful and correct in all my responses.

So, we wait on. Waiting now for God's perfect timing.

Meanwhile, we are doing our best to live each moment fully. We were able to spend an evening with Hessel, Heather, Audrey and Evangeline in Manzanita earlier this week. What a blessing to see my sweet Silas with his darling cousin, Audrey. Only a few weeks separate these two in age, and watching them live in their two year old world together was a gift to both sets of parents. Amazingly, God created cousins to recognize one another regardless of the time and distance that has kept them apart. I have been the recipient of this gift with my far away cousins, and was delighted to see Audrey and Silas connect with each other in the way they did after not seeing one another since March. I was also enchanted by my sweet niece, Evangeline. Peace and joyfulness radiate from her little being. She is beautiful to behold. Both Jordan and I were encouraged and lifted up by our conversation with Hessel and Heather. When we live so far away from one another, the time we have together is precious, and used wisely. One day we may be able to enjoy a casual evening watching a movie together, for now we squeeze every last moment for all it is worth.

Silas continues to be the refreshment of our lives. Jordan has been busy and overwhelmed with work. I have been on a nesting frenzy as I prepare for the arrival of our next baby. Silas remains to be Silas. He is smart and funny, snuggly and cute, and our reminder that God desires to bless us. He frequently wants to talk to the baby, asking me to lift my shirt so that he can place both hands over my stomach and talk quietly to his sibling. He seems totally uninhibited by this activity. He tries to give the baby his pacifier. He tells me he can feel the baby. And when he is done he gently puts my shirt back and says goodnight...regardless of the time of day. I can't say with certainty that the transition from only child will be easy, but Silas' gentle heart and caring ways make me hopeful for the relationship that God has in store for these two.

As of last Wednesday, I was 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced, so the baby and I are moving in the right direction. I have another appointment this Wednesday, so if there isn't any action before then we will update again.

OK, back to bed...