Arizona

Arizona is all that we hoped and imagined that it would be, and more (and more and more and more).

I had a few fears and apprehensions as we planned this move. My parents have been empty nesters all summer, a luxury that they have been long awaiting. Before that, they hosted an array of visitors ranging in relation and reasons for coming and staying, but all of them over the age of 18. There is something different about hosting a 1 and 3 year old. They tend to "cramp your style" a little more. When we first arrived my parents were in Pennsylvania with my oldest brother and his family, so we had a couple days to organize all of our things, get settled in, and back on track with our schedules. The house was ready for us. A room for the kids decked out in Thomas the Train complete with the kids' names painted on the wall. Silas was delighted. A room for us with windows facing the rising sun and all the cozy, relaxed feelings that home provides. It didn't take long for us to embrace the gift God had given us.

Jordan quickly found the lawn mower and dusted off his yard keeping skills.

We started to get adjusted to the climate change. This picture doesn't show it well, but rosy red cheeks and sweaty brows are typical sights with the kids.

We were thrilled when my parents came back. My mom and I do things very similarly. I love that right around afternoon naps, we are both starting to wonder what we will do for dinner. I love that we can laugh about the creations we'll come up with from the fridge. I know we can share our plans, change our plans, include each other in our plans, and make our own plans as needed. She understands our need for independence and wants to help whenever she can. I understand their need for some quiet and space without toys strewn about. Some evenings we all wind up on the couch watching a movie or TV together. Other nights we gather on the front porch under the stars to catch up on our busy days. Sometimes we just do our own activities, enjoying the fact that we get to do them under the same roof. There is just a comfort and relaxation and peace here, so refreshing and calming...a huge need for us following the season of intensity we have been in for the last year.

The kids are feeling the same way...well, that's what I am guessing. They both really struggled to get into good sleeping habits when we got here. There have been many night time wakings, and very early morning rising. Jewel is getting back on track, Silas is still working out some kinks. Granted, we have been busy since we walked through the door. Not a bad busy, we have a lot of catching up to do with our family here, but still very busy.

Across the street my cousin Tasha and her family are living. She and her husband, Ryan, have two kids that are miraculously close in age to mine. Roderick is 5 and Avery almost 2. Many days start with Silas asking if Roderick can play. We spend many mornings listening to the boys play cars and airplanes, watching them build forts, and rolling our eyes at their wild and silly little boy humor at the table. Then at 10:50 Roderick has his farewell party at the end of the driveway as he heads off to kindergarten for the afternoon.

Silas loves his little cousin Avery, and sweetly says "Come on Avery-Girl, let's jump on the trampoline."
We are getting creative with water play...it is still summer time here!
The best part about this picture is that it will forever remind me of Jewel's first self tanning bust. The kids had been outside for a while, and I was all of sudden noticing pink shoulders and cheeks. It was our first week here, so I wasn't totally organized with my things nor did I totally know where all of my mom's things were. I did a quick search for some sunscreen, but I didn't find any and I didn't want to leave the kids outside alone. The only thing I could find was my Arbonne self tanner. It is SPF 15, so I figured that was better than burned babies. I gave everyone a quick spritz. Silas and Avery were fine, but not long after I gave Jewel her even coating, her big brother poured a cup of water on her head. It washed the self tanner off a portion of her back. She had a dark brown streak of tan across her back for a week. So, the moral of the story is, yes...Arbonne self tanning spray WORKS...but do not use it in wet conditions :)

The Trip- Heading South for the Winter

Things had been crazy, crazy busy before we left town. Between the needs of the house getting taken care of, good bye parties (LOVE MY FRIENDS!), last trips to everywhere we could think of, packing every last thing out of our house, and Jordan working up until three days before we drove out of Portland, we were swamped. In the midst of all of it, God had a really special gift for us, that we almost missed.

When we were selling the Altima, there was a guy who was interested in buying it who owned a suburban. Jordan commented when he came to look at the car that ONE DAY we would like to have a suburban. The guy joked back that maybe we could make a trade. The joking became a little more serious and Jordan ended up calling me to ask me what I thought of the idea. I didn't. I mean I didn't even think about it. We were supposed to be leaving in a week and we had way too much going on to be thinking about getting another car, and not a suburban...it is so unpractical! We don't need it. Don't even think about it. You are a little whacky. Goodbye. He agreed while we were talking, but a seed had been planted and his brain was working. He brought it up again later. I had a similar (and more detailed) response as to why it would not work. We accepted a down payment from a different buyer for the Altima and just let it go (well, I did). But, the guy came back to take a 2nd look at the Altima, hoping that if the other deal fell through we may still be interested in trading. I was upstairs cleaning and packing when he arrived and Jordan really wanted me to come and just look at the suburban. After refusing for quite some time, I relented and went down to see it. I have a thing for clean cars...this was NOT. There was gunk everywhere. I peeked in the doors, and walked around the suburban once to humor Jordan, but I had no intention of ever thinking of it again. Plus, what in the world would we do if we traded it. Then we would have a suburban and Jordan's Xterra. We did not have time to get his truck fixed up and ready to sell. It just wouldn't work.

Jordan agreed. I went back inside to continue working and Jordan was explaining our situation to the guy and telling him why it wouldn't work. Jokingly he said "I have an Xterra, you could trade me for my Xterra." Much to our surprise, he seemed interested. He told us to call him if the Altima didn't sell, he wanted to buy it regardless, and he would be thinking about the Xterra. The Altima sold to the other person, so Jordan left the guy a message telling him the Altima was gone. To our surprise he got a text back asking if we were still considering a trade with the Xterra. We had separate activities planned for the next couple hours, so Jordan said "just think about it and pray about it. If we don't want to do it we don't have to, but let's just ask God if this is the time he is wanting to give us our big family car." So, we did. As I was running my errands I am thinking about being in Arizona with all the cousins. We could all ride in the same car together. I could pick up all the kids to go and do something fun. When we have another baby, we wouldn't need to worry about getting another car, we'd already be set. I've always wanted a suburban. It could be cleaned up. Hmmmm....I am starting to want it. When I got home Jordan felt the opposite. We don't need it right now. Maybe it is too much to try to do all of this before we leave. I felt sad. I couldn't believe it. We decided that we would go ahead and meet the guy, do a simultaneous test drive, and if he wanted to do a straight across trade we would do it. But we would not buy the suburban and then try to sell the Xterra. The Xterra's AC was broken, the CD player didn't work, and there was a giant crack across the front windshield. It was a long shot. The suburban is older, but the miles were the same. On the test drive I was starting to get giddy...praying that the guy would want to trade. When we got back to the house, after some strange conversation (do you like my car? I like your car. Do you want my car? I want your car.), we signed titles over to each other and swapped cars!!

We are now the PROUD owners of a beautiful red suburban. Jordan scrubbed and cleaned it for me and it totally meets my standards. We filled the back to the VERY BRIM and hung our bikes on the rack. Off to Arizona we go. What an amazing gift with incredible timing. Thank you God!
The house had been looking like this before we left, and the kids were suspicious of what was happening to our things. No amount of explaining to Silas was getting the idea across. He reported to Lisa that many of his toys were lost. It was time to get going to the next phase. We found outstanding renters for our place, left the house in good hands, and took off.
Unfortunately our first set back was a big one. We had stayed the night with Kyle and Lisa the night before leaving. Jordan and I put our kids to bed and then went back to the house and cleaned well past midnight. We had finishing touches of packing and some errands to run (including a final stop at our beloved apple farm, looking like the Beverly Hillbillies) before heading out of town around 2 pm. We made it to Redding, California the first night and stopped to get some sleep. Jordan and I tend to take the cheapest route possible when it comes to hotels, but since we had our kids with us and all of the belongings we were taking to Arizona, we sprung for the higher grade. Sadly, so did the thieves who stole Jordan's bike AND our two seating bike trailer for the kids. Seriously, who steals a bike with a baby seat attached and a kid's bike trailer. It was a huge damper on things. Huge. We had just bought the trailer and Jordan had bought his mountain bike as a comfort toy after selling his motorcycle last summer. But, we packed up, counted our blessings that Silas' Strider bike was still there and that they didn't break into the Bury 'Burb to get anything else, and headed down to Orange County.
We stopped at a park for lunch. It was total dejavu for me as I watched Jordan run Silas all over, trying to get all of his energy out. It took me back to our family trips up to Washington when I was a kid, stopping at rest areas and my parents instructing us to run races, chase each other, or whatever it took to release the pent up car energy. I would make myself pee twice, worried that I would be the one to have to tell the family I had to go again. Then with hot lungs and tired legs we would get back into the car to continue the journey.

Jewel getting a break from her diaper, and seeing what the view is like from the front seat.
Praise the Lord we had a lot of this in the car (as opposed to the last AZ car trip when Silas slept a collective 3 hours in the 27 hours we were in the car).
And Jewel spent the rest of the time happy as could be (Silas was watching a lot of movies, I'll admit now that we were on the verge of brain rotting...but he survived. I didn't take any pictures though, because a three year old with blood shot eyes, not blinking while he watches his portable DVD player just isn't as cute as this). :)
And waiting for us in Orange County was Uncle Chris, Aunt Christine, Ellsie, and brand new baby Nixon. Chris totally spoiled us and got our family a room at a hotel that was right on the beach. I mean we literally walked out of our room, down the hall, and on to the sand. Talk about amazing. I love the ocean so, so much, and this was exactly what we needed. Thank you Uncle Chris and Aunt Christine for spoiling us. We love you guys.
Both mornings we ate breakfast at the Orange Inn, the same people were there both mornings, having the same breakfast. It was so fun to be a part of that world for just those few days...and the breakfasts were delish!

When we left California, reality started to set in. We no longer had a home in Portland, someone else is living there. We don't have our own home in Arizona, we are staying with my parents. There is no job. There is no for sure plan. We did not hear from the Marshals before we left, so the October academy is out of the question. How long will we be in Arizona? How hot will it be? Will we ever go back to Portland? Will the Marshals work out at all, or are we going to Arizona because God has something totally different in mind for us? The kids slept a lot the last leg of the trip. Jordan and I talked a lot about what we were hoping for our time in Arizona. Relaxation, a change of pace, spending time with family, enjoying each other, seeking God and loving him on a whole new level as we get to know him even better.

There were so many emotions, there still really are. We miss Portland so much. We miss our friends and our church and our beach and our hikes and our stores and our big green trees. We haven't yet experienced "our things" in Arizona. It's hard to look forward to an unknown. But we know we are loved, we know our family is there waiting for us...so we won't turn around, we'll trust and keep heading south.

Where to Begin...

So, there has been a blogging drought. I realize this. There has also been a rainy season. I realize this.

I hardly know where to begin. Some of you have been intricately involved with this season from the time it started. Others of you have bits and pieces of the involved story. Some of you have been in your own season and may have missed this all together.

Well, I have to start when I feel like this all started. About 18 months ago Jordan went to a men's retreat with our church. A lot happened there but, and although I hate to cheat the details out of this story, the most important part was that Jordan rededicated his life to Christ. He responded to the ultimate role of spiritually leading his family. That's when things really started to change. God has been requiring obedience from Jordan in a new way since then. He has been learning how to ask God first and then start to move in faith that God will provide and protect.

Last summer I went with my cousins, Shilo and Jasmine, for a girl's weekend. We prayed together that our desire for life would not be manageable greatness, but holiness. We asked God to start shaking up our ideals and giving us his heart for our families instead. I came home recharged and waiting to see the amazing road God was going to take us down.

Just before Jewel was born, literally days before she was born, we learned from the golf course that Jordan's position as Tournament Sales and Director was being eliminated. He was still free to work in the pro shop there, try to teach as many lessons as he could, and work golf course maintenance, but the main source of our steady income would be over in a month. And then I went into labor, after 5 months of ultra sounds and hormone injections at many doctor's appointments. The bills were on their way. For every one that came, God provided an answer in an amazing way. It was evidence of his care for us.

So began the searches for a new job. There was no area left unchecked. Anything that seemed remotely interesting was researched. One idea came to us from friends at church. Jen and Troy are good friends of ours, and Troy is a US Marshal. They were starting a recruiting push in this area and Troy encouraged Jordan to try it out...just see. So, we jumped through all the hoops (and Troy helped from his end) and Jordan made it into the group to go to the informational seminar. It perked his interest. I mean what guy doesn't want to carry a gun and go after bad guys, right? So he turned in his application and resume and we waited. He has no law enforcement experience, no military experience, no educational experience in this arena, but it does sound like an interesting option. They selected him for an interview. In December he interviewed. They hounded him. What does a golf pro want with being a Marshal? Why should we hire you? Let me guess, you thought having a gun would be fun? What can you offer the Marshal program? There were not a lot of good answers, just good ways to answer...with the quiet calmness of the Holy Spirit and the confidence of God's plan. They put him through to the next stage. We waited. In March he passed a rigorous fitness test, with soaring marks. Then we waited some more. The next month he passed an invasive physical exam. Then we waited more. They called him in May and began the 6 month long back ground check. We waited, waited and waited.

In the mean time, we adjusted to life with two kids. We invited a friend of Jordan's to live with us for the summer. The working conditions at the golf course became less and less favorable. The stress began to build. Despite all of our best efforts to allow God to keep us in check, we started slipping into frustration with each other, our situation, and mostly the waiting. It was torturous. In our effort to survive, we were not nurturing ourselves.

God knew what we needed. In late spring I went up to have dinner with my Uncle Cal and Aunt Julie. They live about 45 minutes from us and have been a sweet and steady retreat for us in times of need, and a breath of fresh family love when we need a tight hug and a night to be nourished. They also run a ministry called Masters Mind Ministry out of their home. They do a lot of prayer counseling. After sharing my heart with them one afternoon while my kids were napping there, I had an amazing opportunity to pray with Aunt Julie. God spoke to me in a precious and profound way with completely personal affection for me. She offered to have me come back with Jordan and we could start praying together for our marriage. We did.

In the course of the last several months God has been working out pieces of what he called each of us to over a year ago. When the initial invitation was extended from Him, we both accepted excitedly...in our own way with our own ideas. Then we spent over a year letting go of ourselves and our ideas. We still aren't done. But, we are working in the right direction.

So here we are now. Still waiting. There are all sorts of variables in front of us. I'll do my best to give you the simple version, but it's not simple so this will be tough :) The next step for Jordan in the Marshal process is going to their training camp. The camp is 4 1/2 months long and takes place in Georgia. They begin 1 camp every trimester. Applicants are placed in the camp according to their veteran points. Veteran points can be earned by having military experience, educational experience, law enforcement, or a previous position in a federal job. We have none. So, technically we would not be able to make this next camp that starts in early October because we are at the bottom of the list. However, we have Jesus, and he has connections. Knowing Troy and having him in the Portland Marshal office has been a huge advantage for us. He introduced Jordan to the chief here, an awesome Christian guy, and has been endorsing Jordan all the way. Having a federal judge for a Dad helps in this situation as well. We also have a friend in our community group who is in the FBI and has friends in the Marshals...he gets us inside information on our status,too. It just adds one more star next to your name on a long list of names. We should know in the next few days if the chief here is able to request that Jordan get a spot in the upcoming academy in order to secure a newly opened position in Portland. If that does not happen (if the position we needed to open in Portland did not become available), then we will not make it to this academy. The next one starts probably in February. It will then be subject to the budget cuts of the next fiscal year. If we do get the spot, Jordan will leave for Georgia in a few weeks and then we will for sure return to Portland to take a spot in the Marshal Office here.

However, as I mentioned before, things at the golf course are not going well. Up to this point we had been able to hang on there, hoping it would take us through to the next job. But, God has a different plan for that too. A couple weeks ago I took the kids up to Bellingham to celebrate my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary with my extended family. Jordan had to work and couldn't come...well, God needed some time with Jordan and didn't allow him to go. Separately, God prepared both of us for the next phase together. We decided that regardless of the results with the Marshals, we needed a change. We need time to care for our family and to be cared for by our family.

So, we put our house up for sale.
We sold my car.Shilo and Jasmine came for 36 hours and we packed almost the entire house.Jewel turned one.We turned her car seat around...and she likes it.I threw her a lame last minute party at the parkMy friends threw her a surprise totally awesome party at Lisa's house (yes, this is how awesome my friends are. They threw my one year old a surprise party so that we could all hang out and celebrate with all of our kids even though I was too overwhelmed to plan one myself).We took advantage of the northwest and picked tons of blackberries (and ate tons, and make blackberry cobbler)The boys played golf together at the golf course. We went to the beach, to get in the sand and the ocean air.We went to the farmers market while Audrey and Evy were here to play in the fountain and get all our fresh fruits and veggies. (yes, Silas is holding his shorts up in the same way Audrey is holding her dress up...I don't know what else to say. She looks a lot cuter than he does)We took every opportunity to soak up times with friends (my bday at Cheesecake Factory)And now? Now we leave for Tucson, Arizona. This Monday, the 13th.

It could be for a few weeks. It could be for a few months. It could be for a few years. All of our things are in storage. We are having a garage sale on Saturday. We are packing the Xterra on Sunday. Having a farewell party Sunday afternoon. We are leaving on Monday. Just our little family. We will enjoy the trip, stopping when we want and staying where we want. For sure making going to Tustin to see our new nephew (we will stay until he is born...so get on that Christine).

If Jordan goes to training camp in October, the kids and I will hang out with the family until Jordan is ready for us to join him in Georgia (we'll probably rent a little place there near where Jordan is training). If he doesn't, we'll stay until God asks us to go somewhere else. We are living with family. We are most likely renting out our house in Hillsboro. We are totally unsure of the future or where God will take us. We are totally sure of his love for us and our desire to be obedient.

How are we doing? Of course the details of leaving a house when there is no buyer and no secure job waiting for us is stressful. We are extremely sad to be leaving our friends in Oregon, our church, the family we are within driving distance of visiting, and the gorgeous northwest. We are thrilled to have a family waiting for us who is willing to help us out. We cannot wait for cousin sleep overs, family dinners, playing outside in November, and the richness of surrounding ourselves with our greatest gifts. The middle ground is where we are right now.

How can you pray for us? Please do pray for the details of the house. We want to make the best decisions for the long run. Mostly on our hearts is the desire to be pliable to God's plan. We don't want to get so set in our ideas that we are missing what he has for us. Pray that we keep our eyes and hearts open. And, pray for our little Silas. All of this is totally confusing and strange to him. I know he'll be fine once we get in the car for our trip, but living in an empty house with bare walls and blow up mattresses is taking it's toll on this little guy. Pray that Jordan and I have joyfulness and delight to pass on to him and that we would have wisdom in knowing how to answer "why" for the 10,000 time.

We WILL keep everyone updated. Even though this has been a season of down pouring in our lives, true to the analogy, rain brings forth life. And we are certainly experiencing that as well.

Thank you for your patience as we would love to be able to have personal conversations with everyone, but there just isn't enough time (literally there isn't, I run out of cell phone minutes every month trying!). We love you all tons and tons! I promise to pull a Lisa Corrigan and bust out 20 blogs of recapping the recent important events. There will be more pictures of our trip to California this summer, Jewel's birthday, Silas on his bike, Jewel taking steps, Audrey's visit, our trip to the anniversary party, and much more. For now I am doing my best at being where I am, and fully living each moment. They are amazing.

siblings

When I was pregnant with Jewel I remember wondering what it would be like to have another baby to love. Silas was my world, how could we both learn to share? The one thing that gave me hope for the new relationships was knowing what a precious gift I have in my siblings. I longed for Silas and our next baby to have the same opportunity.

I was anxious when she first came, wondering if he would be jealous. Although the transition was rocky at times, he never directed his misunderstandings toward her. As she got bigger and began flashing smiles every time he was near, he became more fascinated with her. Then she started sitting up. It was fun for all of us to see her from a new angle, and for her to have a new perspective on her little world. But I knew that soon sitting would lead to crawling and she would start to invade his space. I feared for intricate train tracks and treasured toys to cause frustration and bitterness. Just a few weeks before she started crawling, Silas transitioned his main interest from trains to airplanes. Thank you God for knowing the perfect timing for these things. Trains are a ground toy, airplanes are naturally airborne (or landing on a couch or table). And, God gave Silas a sweet and gracious heart. Not only is he rarely upset by her intrusion on his activity, but he is quickly learning that if she does take something he doesn't want her to have, simply offering her something else generally solves the problem. In fact, he actually shares with her. I am not kidding. It blows me away. If he is playing with airplanes and she crawls into his area, he starts by getting upset. If I say to him "It's OK Silas, she just wants to play with you, can you pick a plane to give her?" he generally complies happily. He sometimes complains that he knows she will eat it, which she will try to do, but he still picks one for her to have and then lets her sit by him to play.
The above was the scene I found yesterday afternoon. Jewel was waking up from her nap and Silas asked if he could go get her. I was emptying the dishwasher so I told him he could go turn the light on for her and I would be right up. Usually this means he goes in, flips on the light, greets her with his regular "Hi, Jewely, Jewely, Jewely!" and then he moves on to play with something in the room while she watches from her crib. Well, over the monitor I heard the greeting, but then it was awfully quiet. By the time I got up there to see what was going on, he had climbed into her crib, reached the shelf above the crib, gotten the Russian stacking dolls off the shelf, and he was instructing her not to eat the little pieces. She was in HEAVEN!
Our most recent purchase was this bike trailer. I was initially a little wary of putting the two of them in there together since neither Jordan nor I would be able to see exactly what was going on. I mean, he loves her, but he is a three year old boy. He wonders how eye balls work and what fits in ears and thrives on action + response learning. Once again I have been pleasantly surprised. He feeds her snacks, gives her toys, finds her "pie", covers her with the blanket, and talks and laughs with her all the way down the road.
They look the same size in the above picture, and really, it's not far from reality. She is nearly 25 pounds and off the charts for height as well. Thankfully this makes her durable for tackling, rolling over, wrestling, and tug of war. She deals with a lot and mostly views his roughness for exactly what it is, an expression of his love for her. He pinches her cheeks, blows in her face, squeezes her legs, and bear hugs her.
As you can see, his affection is genuine, whether that is the way she is looking to feel loved or not. But, this picture brings tears to my eyes. Not just because these are my precious kids, or because of the display of affection, but because I know exactly how Jewel feels. There is nothing like a big brother. There is nothing better than being the object of his affection. Maybe the expression is rough or tough or it may come at an inopportune time...but, us little sisters, we don't really care. I know because that is how I love my big brothers. When I am loved on by my brothers, no matter what the venue or motivation, it just fills me up. Thank you Lord, for giving me my own big brother and little sister kids. I am so blessed.

Grammy and Pops

I have some catching up to do...I know.

In May Grammy and Pops came out to stay with us for a few days. We were spoiled to have them; delicious food, fun family trips, help around the house...and just some good entertainment :)

One afternoon when the sun peeked out we headed to the Oregon Zoo. The animals at the zoo are fun to see, but just the landscape of the park itself is worth the trip. It is settled on the west hills of Portland, tucked back into the trees. It is a for sure work out chasing a three year old while pushing a stroller, down one hill and up another, dashing from animal to animal. This specific trip was special since we got to take the zoo train. And, we all know how Silas feels about the train.
From the beginning he was determined to find the train using the map. Pops is directing Silas with his hand since he would not take his eyes off the page. We had never taken the train before, so this was serious business.

Well, not too serious if these guys were the ones in charge of directions.

But, lo and behold, we found it! One very happy little boy with his Dad and Pops. Grammy and Jewel were happy too, but I think they were more happy with each other than being on the train.
Later on their visit we took them to one of our favorite parks. Silas led everyone on an adventure, including insisting that we walk down toward the river at which point Pops nearly slipped on the slick mud about 14 times and we almost had a hiking casualty. Grammy and I clinched our teeth and held out breath as Silas marched straight through the mud puddles and Pops did a very cartoon like slip and slide all around them. Thankfully we all survived.And this is why we can endure the rain in Oregon. Yes, even rain into June. OK, it July 1st and it rained this morning. BUT, check out these vibrant green trees at our park.The visit with Grammy and Pops was so much fun. Silas played "Secrets" (otherwise known as the game "Sequence") with Pops about 100 times. Grammy had to stay close by to make sure that Pops was letting Silas have a few games here and there. These competitive Bury boys don't let up for anyone. It was common to hear Pops saying "Ah! I blocked you!", which Silas has of course picked up and now frequently says while we are playing. One night the Bury girls had to put those Bury boys back in their place. So, the grown ups (I use this term loosely about Jordan and his dad in respect to game playing) played a game of "Cranium". Needless to say, in a game about brain diversity, the girls kicked some booty. The best part of the game is the rolling laughter. It is so fun to share these moments with the family. We are blessed, big time.